Friday, July 16, 2010

Maybe one day...

So you don't know the story, but that's okay.  Suffice to say my dad and I haven't spoken in 11 years.  Though that's not to say I haven't reached out before.  On the heels of some pretty big life changes, news that my dad is having heart trouble, and a disturbing dream about his death and loads of regret I have decided to try to reach out to him once more.  This could end one of three ways: 1) no response (his typical M.O.), 2) a negative response (only happened once), or 3) he could reach back.  The first would disappoint but not surprise me.  The second would be hard but 11 years makes the skin tough.  The third would be the most surprising and most uncharted territory.  Now just the nerve to print and send this...

Dear Daddy,

It’s been awhile since we’ve chatted...too long, really.  I know things aren’t the way I’d like them to be between us.  For my part in that, I’m sorry.  I never meant to choose between you and my mom.  I never meant to hurt you.  I never meant for there to be this divide.  I am truly and whole heartedly sorry.

Life’s journey has taken me through some crazy adventures.  I graduated from high school and went on the the Honors College on a full and well padded scholarship for undergrad.  I graduated from the Honors College in 2006 with my BA in Liberal Arts, concentration in Latin American Studies, minors in Psychology and Spanish.  I went on to grad school and got my MA in Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling.  I worked for a year and a half as an in-home family therapist.  I loved my job and really felt I was making an impact.

In October 2005 I met a wonderful man.  He and I quickly started dating and fell in love.  About 2 years later we became engaged.  A year after that we got married on August 2, 2008.  He and I have grown up a lot together and taught each other a lot of wonderful qualities.  We really are very good for each other.

We both knew we wanted a family, so it wasn’t long before the discussions about kids started up.  I was diagnosed with a type of hormonal imbalance when I was 16 which spelled difficulties for having kids.  We knew our road might not be smooth so we saw a specialist to go over options.  Ten months later our journey had succeeded.

Your grandson was born March 19. 2010.  I hope you got the announcement.  He was 8lbs 1oz and is amazingly perfect.  He’s growing so fast.  Each new day brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart.  We hope to give him a sibling some day, but it’s hard to imagine loving another person as much as I love him.  After considering all our options, we finally decided that I would quit my job and stay home to raise him. I absolutely love being home with him each day. My degree and career will be waiting for me when I'm ready.

So that’s our story in a nutshell.  I know it’s been a good number of years since we’ve talked and there are a lot of emotions on both sides of this relationship.  But life is too short and moving too fast.  I know it won’t be easy, but maybe we could start emailing ( or talking?  Let me know...I’ll be here.

So, I hope this letter finds you well and not too hot out there in Arizona.  Hope to hear from you soon.

Love you,


Lauren @ Hobo Mama said...

How sweet and heartfelt. I hope he reaches out to you, and if not, I just feel like there's no way he could get that letter and not appreciate the gesture. You wrote it very lovingly, and you're doing what you can to repair the break.

CrunchyVTMommy said...

You will have no regrets. If he chooses to ignore this he will. Youre a very kind and thoughtful person.

Ashley said...

My dad and I began to speak again after 2 1/2 years just 2 months ago. My grandpa (his dad) was at the hospital in grave condition (an unexpected event really), and I had to rush to the hospital. I knew my dad would be their. It softened our hearts, and we began to talk at the hospital. While I keep some distance to avoid going back to where we were (we are both so stubborn! I get if from him!), I can say that my heart is healing from everything. My grandpa did pass a week later, and it brought my dad and I (and his 1 1/2 grandson he's never met) back together. I looked at it this way. God used my grandpa to bring us together. Through my grandpa's passing, it was the beginning of my dad as a grandpa himself. This is his first grandson.

I hope things go well. I've been there, and I know to some extent what you are going through. Your letter to your dad is a great start. It usually takes an "event" to bring people back to their senses, and I certainly hope that happens for you and your dad, for the sake of everyone involved. Hang in there!

reynoldsmommy at gmail dot com

Mama Mandolin said...

Good for you, Tina. My grandparents disowned and humiliated me when my parents got divorced. I got a 3 page letter in the mail on my 19th birthday about how disappointed they were in me and how bad my dad is. (My mom's parents). I didn't talk to them after that for 3 years. My grandpa had a massive heart attack that left him partially blind. I still have a hard time talking to them. We've only seen each other 2 times maybe in the last 6 or 7 years and you know, I'm ok with that. It takes a lot for someone to reach out to someone else who hurt them so badly, especially family. We make contact and try to be civil...but to me I'll never forget what they put me through and don't think I'll ever have the same relationship with them.

I'm proud of you for getting through your issues to reach out to your father. I wasn't able to do that...and I know how strong you have to be to do so!