So I've been pulled away from blogging by my extra duties lately. I realized how much I'd been absorbed by entering contests, reading the never ending additions to my google reader, twitter, and commenting on other people's blogs. A tremendous amount of time, really. I have to share my time with Squirmy during the day now that I have another child to watch. I'm just wondering how much time I want to devote to keeping up with something that takes my attention away from my sweet boy.
Then there's the whole competition thing. I fell victim to the game at first. I wanted more followers, wanted to host product reviews, wanted to be liked and popular. I never did well with the popularity game...I couldn't play the game right, spoke my mind, didn't pay attention to the rules, did my own thing and pissed people off along the way. Ya see, I don't care about what's popular or trendy or fashionable...I care about what works for me. I'm over the "how many followers can I get" game. I'll never be a "top mommy blog" and really don't need the rank to validate me.
Every time I pick up blogging there's a reason. There's some reason I'm reaching out into the wild world of the internet to find people to talk to. Sometimes it was my way of fighting off depression, sometimes it was my way of talking to people who were somewhere else in life, and sometimes, like now, to connect with people who are going through similar things.
So why am I here? Can I keep this up for my own benefit rather than as some member of the mommy wars or mommy popularity contest? Will anyone read if I don't plaster my page with product reviews or sell out by posting links just for a few bucks? Am I doing this for myself or to participate in some popularity contest I openly scorn but in which secretly wish I could rank? Am I gaining more from keeping this up than I would from spending those extra few moments cuddling with my all too quickly growing boy? Is this where I choose to spend my "mommy time" rather than going out (which I'm way too lame to do)?
Or maybe I've got too many postpartum hormones...or maybe I can't keep up with going to bed so late...or maybe I'm just nuts! Regardless I'm me :)