Thursday, August 5, 2010

Why am I here...

So I've been pulled away from blogging by my extra duties lately.  I realized how much I'd been absorbed by entering contests, reading the never ending additions to my google reader, twitter, and commenting on other people's blogs.  A tremendous amount of time, really.  I have to share my time with Squirmy during the day now that I have another child to watch.  I'm just wondering how much time I want to devote to keeping up with something that takes my attention away from my sweet boy.

Then there's the whole competition thing.  I fell victim to the game at first.  I wanted more followers, wanted to host product reviews, wanted to be liked and popular.  I never did well with the popularity game...I couldn't play the game right, spoke my mind, didn't pay attention to the rules, did my own thing and pissed people off along the way.  Ya see, I don't care about what's popular or trendy or fashionable...I care about what works for me.  I'm over the "how many followers can I get" game.  I'll never be a "top mommy blog" and really don't need the rank to validate me.

Every time I pick up blogging there's a reason.  There's some reason I'm reaching out into the wild world of the internet to find people to talk to.  Sometimes it was my way of fighting off depression, sometimes it was my way of talking to people who were somewhere else in life, and sometimes, like now, to connect with people who are going through similar things.

So why am I here?  Can I keep this up for my own benefit rather than as some member of the mommy wars or mommy popularity contest?  Will anyone read if I don't plaster my page with product reviews or sell out by posting links just for a few bucks?  Am I doing this for myself or to participate in some popularity contest I openly scorn but in which secretly wish I could rank?  Am I gaining more from keeping this up than I would from spending those extra few moments cuddling with my all too quickly growing boy?  Is this where I choose to spend my "mommy time" rather than going out (which I'm way too lame to do)?

Or maybe I've got too many postpartum hormones...or maybe I can't keep up with going to bed so late...or maybe I'm just nuts!  Regardless I'm me :)

1 comment:

Lauren @ Hobo Mama said...

I totally have been there, wondering if blogging is worth it or not. It's wonderful to write, wonderful to express my opinions and research, and I've been floored by the supportive community I've found online — and yet so much of blogging tasks are a giant time suck. I have parenting to do, too, as well as all those other tasks both fun and menial (um, how long has it been since I did laundry?). It's so hard to find the right balance. And I also have those insecurities of "Am I popular enough? Why is so-and-so more popular than me?" etc. And it's like being back in junior high, even if it's all in my own head! I keep telling myself it doesn't matter where I rank, but that doesn't make it stop.

So I hope you can determine what you want to do in terms of blogging. It could be something you just keep doing as you feel led — like, not participating in the popularity contests, but just enjoying speaking your mind among your friends. My husband has a blog like that, and it's so refreshing and personal. I feel like I get a window into his mind, and he never stresses about how often he posts or what he chooses to write about. I like that idea.

Maybe you just need a break, though, and then can gain some perspective on what you want to do. You have a great voice and so much quality content already, and it could be nice for you to keep your blog going on your own terms, so that you have an outlet when you want it.

P.S. You have a young baby, so be gentle on yourself. Postpartum hormones, for sure. Give yourself time to figure everything out.