Sunday, February 6, 2011

Another day, another destiny

Pulling out of the working world has left me pondering life.  I've always been goal driven.  Always had one paper, one test, one break, one finish line, one project, one deadline ahead of me.  I got my BA because that's what you do.  I got my MA because it was safer than going into the working world.  I just kept pushing forward.  I got a job and got things lined up to get my licensure.  Future career goals were always my motivation.  Like so many others, it was always about the destination.  Don't get me wrong, I was enjoying the journey, but there was always a destination.

Now...  Well...  I'm not in school.  I'm not working (on the books, in my career field).  I'm married.  We own our home (not outright, but still).  We have a beautiful child (whom may or may not be our only child).  By many accounts you might say that I have "arrived."  My bank account may argue with you, though.  This Type A personality has no goal, no motivation, no project, no deadline.  This Type A is supposed to live in the moment and enjoy.  I'm working hard on doing just that.  I love my life and I do love spending every moment with my son.  Though I can't lie and say that I don't feel a bit lost without a destination to strive for.

Each day, each chapter, each journey has lead to another.  I would have never been able to predict I'd be here, today, in this situation.  Actually, 5 years ago come June I was interviewing for my masters program.  The professors interviewing me asked where I saw myself in 5 years.  I laughed at the time, surprising them.  I told them I couldn't possibly know where I'd be in 5 years.  Five years previous to that moment I'd been in Europe touring with a vocal group and singing in the most glorious churches ever built.  Had you stopped me on an Austrian street and asked where I'd be in 5 years I couldn't have guessed it would have been in an interview for my masters in the middle of a tropical storm.  I told my interviewers that I was just along for life's journey.  Five years ago I had just graduated from under grad.  I was living back home with my mom (ugh!).  I was dating this great guy.  And I was juggling the decision to go to a Christian university in Colorado for grad school, or stay local and go to the state university who was interviewing me.  Five years ago I was asked to predict where I'd be now.  Even then I knew I couldn't.

Five years from now...  Squirmy will be half way through kindergarten.  Will he be in public school, private school, or home with me?  (Unless there's a DRASTIC change, I'm praying it will be one of the latter two since FL is like #48 in the country for public school quality).  Will Squirmy boy have any siblings?  Will we still live in this home?  Will Hubby still work for the devil that takes him away from us too many hours of the day but pays so well and provides us with incredible benefits?  Will I be back to work?  In my career field?  Starting over?  Back in school?  (Man, Dr. Mommy does have a nice ring to it)  Where will the road turn?  What adventures will we be off to?  Who knows....five years from now is a long way away, though I know it will pass in an instant.

1 comment:

Mama Mandolin said...

5 years ago I was in my junior year of college and had just started dating Chikezie for 3 or 4 months and was in Iowa City...if you'd have asked me where I'd be in 5 years I'd never have predicted I'd be married to in California...with twin boys. LOL!