The Making of a Modern Mommy

Diapers Etc Blog Party!! (and GIVEAWAY!!)

2011-02-17T21:20:00.001-05:00

Welcome to the party!! Better late than never! Debbie over at Diapers Etc has relaunched her site and it is BEAUTIFUL!!!

As part of the blog party, Debbie set me up with prefolds. Yes, prefolds. Those dreaded, old fashioned diapers that I swore I'd never use. Now to be fair, I was searching for a night time solution and Debbie let me pick out what I wanted to try. EVERYONE swears by prefolds for night time, so I decided to give it a try. Surely 1 cover and some prefolds would be cheaper than the VERY pricey wool and fitted route I was looking into. Debbie was great and helped me navigate what to order as I started on my newest cloth diaper adventure. When we finally got it all set, she put it in the mail and it was here the next day. Granted I don't live far from her, but the processing time on her end was quick!

Long story short....Debbie is my new favorite person ever. I am no longer waking up soaked in pee (unless I pee myself, but I swear that's not as often as you'd think) and changing our bed sheets every other day. Debbie has single handedly reduced our weekly laundry!!

Sooooo...here's the party you were hoping I'd get to....

Debbie wants to give you $25 to spend in her store!!!! Well, only if you're over 18 and in the US. Here's the deal... Go to her website....Diapersetc.com....do it...I'll wait.... Now leave me a comment about your favorite aspect of her website. Debbie's generous enough to be doing these giveaways; please be respectful enough to play along and check out her website. Please leave me your email address!!

AFTER you've done that... You can leave some extra comments if you

sign up for their newsletter on the front page of the store (1 extra comment)
follow Diapers Etc on FB (1 extra comment)
follow Diapers Etc on Twitter (1 extra comment)

I'll use Random.org to draw a winner on March 1st (commenting closing midnight EST Feb 28th)! Winners will not be immediately notified, however. All winners from all of the blog party blogs will be submitted to The Eco Chic. While you're more than welcome to enter all of the blog giveaways, you're only eligible to win once....gotta spread the love!! After all the giveaways have closed, winners will be notified of their mini-shopping sprees!!

**Debbie at Diapersetc.com provided me with my choice of cloth diapers from her store in exchange for a blog post about her store. All opinions expressed are truly my own. Pinkie Swear!

So it's Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T14:37:00.002-05:00

It's Valentine's Day. The day of the Lonely Hearts Club. The day where men are expected to buy lavish gifts for their beloved in order to show how in love they are. The day people without mates are poignantly aware that they're alone and people with mates are comparing spoils to see who is really loved the most. Forgive me while I scoff a little over here.

I mean, it was a fun day as a kid. Everyone came to school hopped up on heart shaped tums dressed in their best collection of pink, red, and hearts. You handed out little cards, enough for everyone in the class. Props went to those who were creative or who included yet more candy. It was cool.

Then middle school came and festivities were less equal as puppy love emerged. We had a dance every year which meant we got out of a couple classes and got to segregate into our cliques for an hour or so. Some girls got flowers or balloons, but really it was just the girls who put out. So it was cool.

Then high school. Relationships emerged, crushes became evident, and Valentine's Day changed. Suddenly it was about the haves and have nots. Not gonna lie...Valentine's Day came and went in 10th grade with no special gift from that special someone (that special someone who called my house the next year leaving a message on my answering machine confessing his undying love for me, whom later spent some time living as transgendered, whom is now an openly gay man). I was jilted. Valentine's Day that year was also a dear friend's 10th birthday....the last birthday she would celebrate. November of that year took away my "little sissy" and I became even more jaded about Valentine's Day.

My junior year of high school I had my first "real" boyfriend (whatever that means). We'd started dating before my friend passed away so he knew I was totally not looking forward to February 14th, when she should have been celebrating her 11th birthday. I begged that we ignore the day and let it pass like any other. I spent the day in tears, my heart ripped out of my chest. I was 16 and dealing with the first death of someone close to me (that was not a great grandparent). He showed up at my house that evening with 18 beautiful roses and a gold bracelet. You might think I'd be happy about that. But really, it just made me awkwardly uncomfortable. I'm not one for lavish gifts to begin with, but especially when I was so heartbroken. I tried my best to smile and be grateful, but really, I just wanted the day to fade into oblivion.

The years that followed I always had a boyfriend, it seemed. The three subsequent Valentine's Days were spent with someone who, while basically a D-bag, actually understood that I didn't want to celebrate. He'd lost his sister when she was young and her birthday hurt...so he got it. After him I (briefly) dated this guy who didn't believe me that I didn't want to celebrate the day. He made LAVISH plans...I mean, reservations at the swankiest place in town, plus planned to book tickets for the special sunset tour of the lighthouse, and who knows what else. If I'd let him, he'd have dropped several hundred dollars. We'd been dating MAYBE a month. But, it turned out that my friend gave birth that day. I left town to meet the baby. The day lost some of it's sting with this new little life.

Then I met Hubby. He was great. He got that love was meant to be showed at times other than JUST Valentine's Day. He just got "it." Guess that's why he made the cut and got to stay around. Our first Valentine's Day together I was still away at school in a mad rush to finish my undergrad thesis. I didn't have time for distractions and being 4hrs away made things difficult anyway. When we spent our first Valentine's Day ACTUALLY together, our relationship had been well proven and neither of us felt the need to make a big deal out of the day. Who wants to eat overpriced food in an overly crowded restaurant anyway?!

The first Valentine's Day we spent as a married couple was one of the hardest times of my life. Hubby had to have some crazy intense surgery a few days before and long story short...I spent the day figuratively holding his hair back and worrying that all the throwing up meant dangerous complications of the surgery. I got instructions on how to insert an anti-nausea suppository to save my poor husband from the very large, male nurse's gorilla hands. By the time he was finally resting easy for the first time all day, MIL arrived with Taco Bell for me...at 8:00pm...the first I'd eaten all day. She sat with him as I collapsed in the hall of the hospital and cried into my soft taco.

So forgive me if I'm a cynic. I just don't get it. Last week I had a bad day. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was coming down with a cold. The kids were driving me bonkers, and I was just spent. Hubby cancelled his overtime, picked up a modest and lovely bouquet from the grocery store, came home and cooked dinner for us. THAT, my friends, is love. THAT means a million times more to me than an over priced dinner, WAY over priced flowers, and a card that will get thrown away or shoved in a drawer all because the calendar reads February 14th.

Oh and for those of you pouring out your gooey, undying love for your partner on Facebook today...please don't...it just makes us all a little uncomfortable.

And so it begins....

2011-02-12T18:35:00.000-05:00

There it is, again. That feeling, that question...Is it really there? Am I being hyper sensitive?

I've been here before. Once before. And to say it ended awkwardly would be an understatement. Where am I, you ask? In an awkward situation.

I am caring for a child. A child whose parents are unhappily married but pretend it's all okay and plow forward. A child whose care falls primarily to the father. A father who works hard for his family, comes home, cares for his child, and goes to bed in a cold marital bed. A father who drops his son off at my house nearly every day and picks him up every evening.

It starts innocently enough...the daily chatter, this many naps, that many bottles, overall mood. A couple of mutual comments shared over non-child related life details. A smile and "have a good night."

Then the conversations get a little longer, a little more personal. The smile gets a little more genuine. A friendship forms out of mutual concern for the child.

Then the texts become more frequent...and the pit in my stomach starts. Next the texts would move into less child related subjects and the pick-up time conversations would go a little too long. Then the friendship would solidify out of mutual care and concern. Then... I've been here before. I will not go there again. This time it ends NOW.

Last time it ended when the dad met me at the country club to take the reins while his kid was in her swim lesson. Last time it ended with drinks and a mutually enjoyable conversation while the kid swam. Last time it ended with the conversation taking a turn. Last time it ended with the alcohol blurring my better judgement. Last time it ended with a sexual proposition mere weeks before my wedding. Last time it ended with me making a quick exit. Last time it ended with me being both flattered and disturbed. Last time it ended with me driving home probably more intoxicated than I should have been for driving. Last time it ended with alcohol on my breath, crying my admission that I'd allowed the situation to happen and the conversation to take that turn. Last time it ended with weeks of tension, an ended friendship, rebuilding trust with my fiancée, and an awkward employment situation.

And so it begins...and it ends NOW.

Another day, another destiny

2011-02-06T12:03:00.000-05:00

Pulling out of the working world has left me pondering life. I've always been goal driven. Always had one paper, one test, one break, one finish line, one project, one deadline ahead of me. I got my BA because that's what you do. I got my MA because it was safer than going into the working world. I just kept pushing forward. I got a job and got things lined up to get my licensure. Future career goals were always my motivation. Like so many others, it was always about the destination. Don't get me wrong, I was enjoying the journey, but there was always a destination.

Now... Well... I'm not in school. I'm not working (on the books, in my career field). I'm married. We own our home (not outright, but still). We have a beautiful child (whom may or may not be our only child). By many accounts you might say that I have "arrived." My bank account may argue with you, though. This Type A personality has no goal, no motivation, no project, no deadline. This Type A is supposed to live in the moment and enjoy. I'm working hard on doing just that. I love my life and I do love spending every moment with my son. Though I can't lie and say that I don't feel a bit lost without a destination to strive for.

Each day, each chapter, each journey has lead to another. I would have never been able to predict I'd be here, today, in this situation. Actually, 5 years ago come June I was interviewing for my masters program. The professors interviewing me asked where I saw myself in 5 years. I laughed at the time, surprising them. I told them I couldn't possibly know where I'd be in 5 years. Five years previous to that moment I'd been in Europe touring with a vocal group and singing in the most glorious churches ever built. Had you stopped me on an Austrian street and asked where I'd be in 5 years I couldn't have guessed it would have been in an interview for my masters in the middle of a tropical storm. I told my interviewers that I was just along for life's journey. Five years ago I had just graduated from under grad. I was living back home with my mom (ugh!). I was dating this great guy. And I was juggling the decision to go to a Christian university in Colorado for grad school, or stay local and go to the state university who was interviewing me. Five years ago I was asked to predict where I'd be now. Even then I knew I couldn't.

Five years from now... Squirmy will be half way through kindergarten. Will he be in public school, private school, or home with me? (Unless there's a DRASTIC change, I'm praying it will be one of the latter two since FL is like #48 in the country for public school quality). Will Squirmy boy have any siblings? Will we still live in this home? Will Hubby still work for the devil that takes him away from us too many hours of the day but pays so well and provides us with incredible benefits? Will I be back to work? In my career field? Starting over? Back in school? (Man, Dr. Mommy does have a nice ring to it) Where will the road turn? What adventures will we be off to? Who knows....five years from now is a long way away, though I know it will pass in an instant.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-02T13:48:00.001-05:00

And THAT is what it's all about

King of the Power Nappers

2011-02-02T08:35:00.001-05:00

I decided to take the troops outside to soak up the Vitamin D and to take advantage of the beautiful day not everyone was getting to experience. I crossed my fingers that the sunshine and fresh air would also mean decent naps...

So the usual nap time routine. Nephew in his PnP in the office first (he's an easy napper). Kid I watch goes down next with a bottle in his PnP in Squirmy's room while Squirmy nurses. Then it's Squirmy's turn to nurse in our room and go down in his crib. (I swear, one day he WILL use the nursery we so lovingly prepared for him.)

It was a typical nap time start. I had him peacefully slumbering in his crib in 10 minutes or so. I tip toed out of our room, came down stairs, turned the baby monitors on, started Squirmy's nap timer, and heard the kid I watch still awake. I took the last ounce he'd left in his bottle up to him. He finished just as I started hearing the oddest banging ringing out. I quickly left the room in search of this ODD noise.

It was coming from our bedroom!!! My heart raced in the brief moments it took for me to get into our bedroom once I determined where the sound was. Squirmy had woken up, crawled out of his side-car crib, crawled across our bed, found coins on Hubby's nightstand (why the man had coins there I'll never know, we never use cash), and was happily banging the coins on the nightstand. He turned to look at me, all smiles, wide awake as though he'd never been asleep. I tried to nurse him back to sleep, but he wouldn't so much as close his eyes. Nap was over and he wanted to play!!

And play he did...as though he'd slept for 3 hours and not the 10 minutes the nap timer read...King of the Power Nappers!

Mama Bear Growls

2011-01-31T10:30:00.000-05:00

This weekend was packed! We had THREE birthday parties to attend, two on Saturday alone. The first was for the kid I watch. We got there and we were in a room full of people we didn't know. Hubby found a seat and really didn't move. Squirmy looked around and was cautious. Slowly but surely he ventured further and further away from me and found the toys. He went up to a few people as though he wanted to be held and managed well when they picked him up. Everyone marveled at how cute he was and how he was much more about the festivities than his birthday boy counterpart. Towards the end of the party, I could tell nap time was much needed as he started to melt. We begged out early due to nap time and needing to get to another party.

Between parties, we had about 45 min in the car (had to run home first which made the drive much longer) and Squirmy napped peacefully, waking on his own as we neared the next party. We arrived about an hour late to our nephew's party. The family was all gathered around while the kids played on the playground and did a treasure hunt. Of course Squirmy was the charmer and everyone was excited to get to see him walk. Of course, being on his second party of the day and having a rough night (congestion) the night before and waking up early and only having a 45 min nap in between parties, he wasn't in his finest form. But, we were at a small park and there wasn't anyone there but party goers. He tolerated going to anyone who asked to hold him, even if it was just for a few minutes.

(our 78lb, 13 year old niece in the Ergobaby)

After a little while this family "friend" starts in. Now this family "friend" is a woman whom Hubby has never liked and I don't exactly have a fond opinion of her, myself. I got in trouble because I didn't invite her to my bridal shower (I'd literally met the woman less than a handful of times before the wedding and she was invited to the wedding). She likes to kiss Hubby on the lips despite his protests and attempts to avoid her kisses. Against my better judgement, I invited her to my baby shower to avoid controversy only to have her hound me at the party, asking how much weight I'd gained. Luckily, when she tried to rally the other moms into bullying the amount out of me, they all protected me and changed the subject. So suffice to say, she's not my favorite person. But...she's a family "friend" so I smile and keep my distance.

Anyway, like I said, she starts in. Two of the nieces at the party had meltdowns at some point because, well, they did. She was complaining about how ALL the girls in Hubby's family cry too much (and by ALL the girls she meant 2 out of MIL's 5 female grandchildren). Cue Squirmy fussing. He wasn't crying, just fussing because it had been a long day. It was now 3:00pm and he'd been up since 7:00am with a 45 min nap. I instinctively started swaying as he sat on my hip while I chatted with people, careful to keep my back to the "friend" to prevent me from getting too frustrated with her rude, opinionated babble. Then, oh THEN, I hear her make a comment about Squirmy crying too much just like ALL the girls in the family. My blood started to boil. A 10mo who's fussing because he's tired is no comparison for a 5 year old who's crying because someone didn't want to play her game or a 13 year old who is crying because life is so unfair. But I continued on with my conversation and tried to ignore her. WELL, that wasn't enough. She came up to me and put her hands on my son while I was holding him. He started fussing even more and clinging to me. I resisted giving him up. She snapped "Oh just give him to me" and made it clear that either I let go or my son would be in the middle of a tug of war. I let go of him as she ripped him from my arms and walked away.

I know she couldn't hear me but I didn't care who else might have. I was PISSED. I made it clear that it was TOTALLY unacceptable to RIP a child out of his mother's arms. She didn't even ASK me. She just TOOK him. Hubby was so lost. He's the peace keeper of the family and NEVER wants to cause a scene. He also knew what just happened was totally unacceptable and it was up to him to fix it since it was him family "friend" and he knew I'd be in jail for murder if I handled it. So he gave me time to finish spewing hate which gave her a minute with Squirmy, then he took her back from her. She tried to say he was having fun with her and Hubby shouldn't have taken him away, but neither of us cared.

After that we said our goodbyes. Squirmy was really starting to melt, I was fuming, and we were over it. All 3 of us just wanted to go home. As we were walking to the car, I saw MIL go into the bathroom (one of those classic park bathrooms where you can hear everything that goes on outside while you're pooping) and I made sure to loudly express my discontent and drop a couple of f-bombs to Hubby as we passed by.

No doubt we're scratching 1 off his birthday guest list...

Separation anxiety....me, not him :)

2011-01-26T18:04:00.001-05:00

So I did it...we did it... We finally left Squirmy for a few hours. I know a lot of moms have already left their children plenty of hours by the time they are 10 months old, but I hadn't. For better or worse, that's just not been something I'm interested in doing. But Hubby bought us tickets to see Disney's Beauty and the Beast on its nation tour, with a friend of mine in the cast.

When the tickets came in the mail, I ripped open the envelope! I didn't know he'd bought any theater tickets and it was like September. I WANTED to know what he bought. I LOVE the theater. Four amazing seats tickets lay inside. At first I was elated...then extremely nervous. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, Squirmy WILL not take milk from a bottle/cup of any sort. If it's not from the tap, he's not interested. The prospect of leaving him for 5+ hours was nerve wracking in itself, but add to it that he might be without milk and the fact that he won't sleep without nursing.... Nervous might have been an understatement.

But maybe he'd be eating enough solids by then and maybe we could work on getting him to take milk by then and maybe it would work. Yeah....months of bottle/cup trials and errors (all errors) proved that he was NOT going to take milk from anything but the tap. But he was doing well with solids...

Who we would leave Squirmy with was a no brainer. We both quickly agreed to leave him with my brother and his wife. We trust them and Squirmy loves them and his cousin. Christmas Eve proved he was very comfortable at their house (as long as the big, scary, mean dogs stayed away...you know, the ones that wouldn't know how to hurt a fly, much less want to). They were more than happy to oblige. We all agreed that a trial run would probably be best, so we went out to lunch one day. Squirmy was blissfully unaware that we'd left and played with his cousin for an hour. When we got back, he cried hysterically and reached for me. I don't think he noticed we were gone until we got back. We all laughed and he quickly calmed.

Fast forward a couple of weeks. We had done everything we could to prepare Squirmy to be left. I pumped milk, packed an insane amount of food (all his favorites), tossed several different types of cups and his favorite toys in a bag, and made sure he'd napped well during the day. I even made sure to have his velcro/aplix/hook and loop diapers clean and ready for easy changes. I even sent some disposable diapers I "stole" from Squirmy's playmate in case she didn't want to "bother" with the cloth diapers. Our timing was impeccable until 2 wardrobe malfunctions tied us up (a zipper broke on the shirt I was going to wear and then my pants ripped!!).

We totally forgot to make/grab dinner as we rushed off to my brother's house. Also totally forgot to take his PnP. Though, he hates the stupid thing and we had no anticipation he'd sleep anyway. When we got there Squirmy FREAKED out!!! I mean FREAKED! He remembered that we left him there last time. No amount of coaxing or favorite toys would calm him. I knew in my mind he'd be okay, but he was breaking my heart. Finally I gave him a hug and a kiss and told him I love him and that we'd be back later for him. Sure, he doesn't understand what that means, but I still think it's important to tell him.

We left him there...screaming. :( I choked back tears, determined not to cry. I focused on the drive and the evening ahead. Hubby texted to check on him when we arrived at the theater and grabbed dinner: coke and twizzlers, don't be jealous. He'd stopped crying within 5 minutes and was happily playing. He even sent a video of Squirmy TOTALLY perplexed by my niece (who's 7) trying to get him to play patty cake with her. They told us to let them know when we got out for intermission and they'd send more updates.

The play was amazing! Allyson was great!! A little piece of me wished I was the one up there preforming. But then I squeezed my husband's hand, remembered my sweet boy waiting for me, and the lyrics from one of the songs reminded me that my life is wonderful and preforming would have meant a TOTALLY different life. "I never thought I'd leave behind my childhood dreams, but I don't mind. I'm where and who I want to be. No change of heart; a change in me." I got choked up knowing how different my life is from the life I dreamed about...how much fuller and better it is than I could have ever imagined.

So we rushed back after the play to find that Squirmy was *gasp* sleeping! My SIL drug out my niece's old pack and play for him. Apparently at 9:30, he was walking along, let out a BIG yawn, then fell to the floor and completely unraveled. My SIL, who is a CIO fan and thinks a baby shouldn't be rocked to sleep, scooped him up, cuddled him, and rocked him to sleep. Ten minutes after his collapse he was blissfully snoozing in his cousin's PnP. He never signed for milk and since he was doing fine, they never tried to offer it (why rock the boat). They never offered him any of the food I left. Just let him snack on freeze dried bananas and strawberries they'd bought for him.

My heart about leaped out of my chest (or maybe that was my rack trying to free itself from the confines of a real bra) when I saw him sleeping peacefully. I nearly cried when I reached out and stroked his back. I picked him up and my heart exploded...akin to the feeling of belonging and joy I felt when I first held him. As quickly as I could, I closed the door and started feeding my sweet boy. I could say it was all about getting him milk after going 6 hours with basically nothing to eat. I could say that it was about calming him down because he was startled by being awoken. I could say it was my own need to feed him (6 hour is a LONG time to go when you're used to every couple of hours). I could say it was a need show him that I was there and back and everything was okay. I could say it was a selfish emotional need to feel the closeness and connection. I could probably say all of those things and more. But really, it was just a moment...a beautiful moment when all was right with the world.

We had a wonderful time at the theater, one of my favorite places ever. Squirmy had a great time playing with his cousin. It's wonderful knowing that I CAN leave him safely and he'll be just fine. Though, honestly, neither Hubby nor I have any intentions of doing it again any time soon. :)

Wordless Wednesday

2011-01-26T09:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday it was someone's first birthday (Squirmy's playmate). Spaghetti and birthday suits for lunch!

Followed by a rockin' after par-tay!

hypocrisy

2011-01-21T16:55:00.000-05:00

***Disclaimer--I've read a lot of blog posts recently about the topic of gender (like here and here and here and here and more that my sleep deprived brain can't remember specifically enough to credit) and it's something that's been on my mind for awhile. This is just my stream of consciousness about the topic as it rattles around in my head.

My college days opened my eyes/ears/heart/mind to many things. I really credit my school with doing good job at challenging me in many ways. One of the things it got me thinking about was the way language and social expectations mold culture. For example, in Spanish the words for things in the kitchen are feminine while words for things in the garage are masculine. Did these gender assignments grow out of who was already using the items or did who used the items grow out of their gender assignment? Are social roles influenced by these words with gender assignments? Some might argue no since English doesn't have the same gender assignments, but it's one of the few languages that doesn't assign gender to all nouns.

Similarly, how do the words we use influence gender? Have you ever looked at baby clothes...I mean really looked at them? Aside from the pink and blue, what do you notice? Little girls' clothes have flowers and rainbows and food (think cupcakes and candy) and maybe a puppy or two. Little girls' clothes typically have emotion words on them like "sweet," "precious," and "adorable" along with passive words like "princess" and "angel." I also tend to notice the word "little" on girls clothing. Little boys' clothing tends to be adorned with dogs, monkeys, bears, sports, and cars. The words you tend to find on little boys' clothing are onomatopoeia ("vroom," "roar," "bark") and words associated with physicality like "strong," "tough," and "big." So from day one, we are teaching our daughters to use emotions to express themselves and our sons to not worry about words and focus on physical expression. Toys tend to follow the same lines. Girls' toys are about caring for others (dolls, kitchens, stuffed animals) while boys' toys are about physical expression (cars, sports, action figures).

This immediate imposition of gender norms, roles, and expectations has bothered me since I first became aware of it. I tried to buy as much gender neutral clothing as possible, but let's face it...after 0-3 months there isn't a whole lot that is gender neutral. You must pick...pink or blue. (Yes, I know I'm over simplifying here, but the premise remains.) So what did I do? I found myself drawn to the lovely little blue outfits. Blue happens to be hubby's and my favorite color. We painted the nursery blue (nursery=clothing storage, but that's another story). We bought blue everything we could get our hands on. Sure some thing had more gender neutral options, which we tried to chose when available (i.e., stroller, swing, PnP, car seat). And the early toys are all pretty gender neutral. Still, we chose the green talking dog with a boy's name over the purple talking dog with a girl's name. I wish I could find the study that was done with a 10 month old. I can't remember the gender of the baby but the researchers put the baby in very girly or very boyish clothes and asked participants to play with the baby. The room contained girl, boy, and gender neutral toys. The participants chose the toys they offered the baby based on the clothes the baby was wearing. They also used significantly more words when playing with the girl dressed baby than boy dressed baby. Even further, the words used with the girl dressed baby were passive, emotion words and action words with the boy dressed baby.

Then Squirmy's cousin left a toy car over here. It became very clear that Squirmy LOVED this car. He would crawl around the house pushing it everywhere. For Christmas we told people to get him cars. Hubby bought him a Kidkraft rocking dinosaur. I bought him a Police Cozy Coupe. I think either of those could be arguably gender neutral, but would we have picked the same items if we had a girl? I sought out a doll baby for him, but couldn't find one I liked. (Seriously, what happened to Cabbage Patch?!?)

I sit here, starring at the blue Chuck truck that is arguably his favorite Christmas present, feeling like I've failed him....feeling like a hypocrite. I look at the blue bibs that he's spent the morning strewing about the floor and wonder if I'm doing enough to protect his ability to be who he wants to be, to not be pigeon holed and typecast into a role that society has predetermined for him based on his anatomy.

But then I think about other conversations I've had. Like the time I told my mom some women at church commented on how cute "she" (Squirmy) was and how I smiled politely and answered their questions about his development (yes I nurse, no doesn't sleep through the night, crawled at 6 months, thank you for saying "her" eyes are beautiful like "her" moms) and how I laughed to myself as they walked away wondering amongst themselves why I would put a beautiful little girl in a blue shirt with a cow on it. My mom's response was frustration and anger flashing back to her days of defending my gender: "isn't it so frustrating?" I was taken aback. No, I wasn't frustrated and I hadn't made any overt attempts to correct their assumption of his gender. It didn't matter. They were admiring my child. And let's face it...babies are pretty damn androgynous. Yesterday I was told I shouldn't have a necklace on my boy even after I explained that it's amber and supposed to help with teething pain and I'd try voodoo rain dances if it had the promise of helping at this point: "It's confusing. Necklaces are for girls." (said by a woman rocking a mullet, 80s leather jacket, and high tops...no lie). I didn't really care that she called him a girl. He was in gender neutral clothes, wearing a necklace. But again, it didn't really matter. She was commenting on his walking abilities...nothing to do with gender. I've had people apologize to me for saying my boy is beautiful. I don't mind. I rather enjoy hearing my child is beautiful, if you really want to know. I really don't understand why beautiful is "supposed" to be only for girls, anyway.

So maybe I am a hypocrite, maybe I'm not. At the end of the day, I just want him to be happy and well rounded and free to be whoever it is he is. And maybe I can find a decent doll for his birthday...

Thinking about a homebirth

2011-01-18T11:02:00.000-05:00

For all the talk about not sleeping on my blog you'd think we'd be against having another kid. And to an extent you'd be right. Hubby and I have talked about leaving Squirmy as an only child. We've both said we are comfortable with him being an only. I can't imagine adding another little life to our family. But...to hear us actually talk...we're not done. We keep talking about when the next child is born and when I'm pregnant again and when we have 2 kids and...

So, it's realistic to look at my options. Given Squirmy's "birth," my options are more limited than standard practice. First, I will NOT being returning to my OB. Not a chance in hell I'd give her another dime, let alone step foot in her office. So I will be looking for a lovely midwife to help me through my next pregnancy and delivery. Second, there's the whole issue of method of delivery. Unfortunately in this area, "once a c-sect, always a c-sect" is the mantra. That leads us to thirdly, location of delivery....

Now prior to Squirmy's birth I was under the impression that this whole "location of deliver" thing was a non-issue. You gave birth at a hospital...PERIOD. Sure you had the hippies giving birth at birthing centers, but that's just weird and non-conformist. NOW, I realize that there are 3 main options for birth location: hospital, birthing center, and home. Six months ago I would have thought you were crazy and reckless to attempt a home birth.

But let's break down my options further... I will NOT be cut again unless absolutely necessary. No "dead baby" cards will be thrown prior to me pushing and/or some glaring red flag appearing during my pregnancy. And I mean GLARING! I'm considering VBAC my only option. It WILL be how I birth my next baby. I FULLY believe my body is more than capable and would have been more than capable if my OB (and I) had allowed it to do it's thing for Squirmy's birth. With that decided, that narrows down my choices for location. No hospitals around here allow VBACs (whether in policy or practice). There is 1 hospital I know of about an hour away that will allow VBACs but that would mean I'd have to have a provider with privileges there, which means LOTS of driving for pre-natal appointments. Not really what I want to do with a toddler/small child especially given the crazy traffic I'll encounter and the zombie like state I lived in for most of my pregnancy. Birthing centers aren't allowed to do VBACs in the state of FL. So....looks like I'll be one of those crazy, insane, radical hippies who gives birth at home. Which narrows my choices down to 1 midwife in our area (bonus that all prenatal appointments are in-home as well!).

So if PCOS and breastfeeding ever allow me to ovulate again, I may very well end up pregnant again...and may very well give birth right here, at home! :)

Sleeping...

2011-01-17T18:26:00.002-05:00

I feel like a bad blogger. Well, I am a bad blogger. I can't seem to keep up with this to save my life. I come up with witty things to post and then they're gone with the latest round of exhaustion and fatigue. I'm not quite sure what's in it for him just yet, but my kid is trying to get me to the point of dying from exhaustion. Uh, kid, I'm your main food source!! Kill me off now and you have to start drinking nasty smelling formula out of a bottle. (Not knocking formula feeding, just the scent of my nephew's formula made me gag...oh and my kid refuses bottles)

So the old sleeping issue. It seems to plague my existence. I made the mistake of thinking I'd gotten off easy. Though in the back of my mind I knew it was too easy...far too easy. You see, when Squirmy was first born, he'd sleep all night long. Of course he'd wake to nurse and to be changed, but he'd drift off easily as soon as his needs were met. It was glorious. While the group of moms I knew with babies all born in March were up all hours of the night with fitful sleepers and reverse cycling, I was sweet dreaming! By 2 months old, we were sleeping through the night!! How cool is that?!? Yeah...if only I knew what was in store.

Around 4 months, he started waking once a night. Okay, fine, that's cool. Top off and let's get back to sleeping. Then it was twice a night....then three times... By 5 months I was starting to wonder if his mini pack and play bassinet thingy was getting uncomfortable (hence the night waking). So, we took the front off his crib and pushed it up against the bed, side-car style. That should be more comfortable and thus let us both sleep more, right? Nope, night waking just got worse and worse. Eventually we decided to put his crib back together. Maybe a little distance from me would help. That didn't; actually ended up backfiring to an extent.

Instead of him waking less, he woke the same. Only, instead of pushing him back into the crib when he was done nursing, I'd have to get up and put him back in his crib. So I did for the first couple of times he'd wake up at night. Just about every night I'd end up leaving him in bed with me so I could squeak out a couple of hours of sleep before my day started. Some nights I kept him in bed with me the whole night just to get some rest.

Now I'd love to say I'm one of those moms who thinks the world of bed sharing. I mean, I think it's great in theory and my kid certainly sleeps better sharing the bed with me. BUT (huge but here) I do not sleep well AT all!!! We have a queen sized bed. Every mom I've talked to who really enjoys bed sharing has had a king sized bed. My dear, sweet hubby gets probably 60% of the bed at night. Squirmy gets about 20% of the bed (and his nickname isn't without merit). So what does that leave me?! Not a whole hell of a lot. But just for giggles, let's actually do the math. A standard Queen is 60" wide. So that means my hubby gets about 36", while Squirmy and I split 24". So realistically...I get about ONE FOOT of sleeping space when we co-sleep. I'm not a huge person but I certainly have some extra padding. ONE FOOT of space is not enough! Hell I could sleep on the couch (alone) and have more room. So I spend part of the night sleeping in a horribly awkward/uncomfortable position while trying to not crush my child and part of the night being roused to nurse. Kudos to those of you who make it work. Not my cup of tea. If a king size bed magically showed up at my doorstep, we might be having a different conversation (ya know, after I picked out some luxurious new sheets!).

There have been nights where I have been up EVERY. SINGLE. HOUR until I gave up and brought him to bed with me. This started happening more and more often and I began to wonder if I played some role in it. When I realized how inconsistent I was being with his crib sleeping and bed sharing, I realized I had to pick one or the other to make a difference. Since bed sharing is not a realistic option for long term, I knew I had to crib train him. I'm sure there are tons of moms who felt I made the wrong choice and should have sacrificed to bed share. But, you know what? I was "selfish" and decided that my son needed a well rested mommy more than he needed to bed share. If you know me at all, you'll understand that the WORLD needs me more rested than my son needs to bed share. I promise.

I read lots of suggestions, asked on Mothering.com (where I was told I was selfish and making the wrong decisions and ...), asked on Twitter, ready every Dr. Sears suggestion on his site, read articles about night weaning, read Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution, and anything else I thought might be helpful. I wanted to find the softest way possible to crib train my sweet son.

So...10 days ago we started sleep training, so to speak. Every time he woke up, I got out of bed, nursed him in my lap, and put him back in the crib. Every time I made a conscious effort to take care of his needs and put him back in his crib. Every night we went to bed at the same time. Above all, everything was as consistent as possible (night 8 was way off for bed time because of a Disney trip). I knew it might get worse before it got better. And it did! He started waking MORE frequently. How could he possibly wake MORE frequently you ask?! Well, one horrid night he woke ELEVEN times! ELEVEN! between 10pm and 7am. He also started waking at 7am instead of his usual 9am. I was beyond exhausted. I almost gave up a few times. But I had to keep plowing through. *Disclaimer--tooth #3, the first top tooth, cut yesterday*

I don't dare tell you how the past 2 nights have gone. I don't dare challenge the cosmos by reporting things are better. I don't dare tempt fate by saying I've been getting 4 *gasp* hours of sleep in a ROW. I don't dare report progress and challenge Murphy's Law.

For now, we're going into night 10 of crib training. His crib remains by my bedside and I continue to wake and nurse and cuddle and put him back in his own crib...his own space...and return to my bed and my own space.

P.S. Screw you Dr. Nameless Pediatrician for all but scoffing when you heard I parent my child to sleep at bed time and if/when he wakes in the night. #just sayin'

Squirmy's birth story

2011-01-07T20:27:00.000-05:00

It's been 9.5 months and I realized that I haven't really shared my birth story. It's painful and full of shame and guilt. But I needed to write it down. I needed to get it out. I needed to share. I needed other women to know NOT to go down the road I went down. So here's how Squirmy came into the world...

I'd gone through infertility treatments with a specialist as I have PCOS. I transfered to my OB fairly near the end of my first trimester. My BMI had me just over the line as "obese" so my OB started harping on me about my weight from my very first exam with her. She said I couldn't gain more than 15 lbs for the whole pregnancy. Of course I met with the other OB in the practice and she was much nicer and more relaxed about my weight.

Towards the end of my pregnancy the other OB left the practice and was replaced by someone new. The newer Dr seemed nice enough but something didn't sit right about her. But I kept on my merry way and had done a lot of research (minimal I realize now) and whatever. My OB was out of the office nearly all of my last 6 weeks so basically all of my final exams and prep were done with the other OB. My first vaginal exam my OB couldn't feel the baby so she had me do an ultrasound to see if he was breech. He was measuring quite big, but there's room for error and they slow down and yadda yadda yadda. Don't think I didn't see his head was measuring weeks ahead on the ultrasound. Mind you I've been seeing this OB/GYN since I was like 17 and she did my mom's hysterectomy when I was in high school. I trust her and I liked her before she got kind of rude with me about my weight and telling me it'd be my fault for gaining too much weight if the baby was big (mind you we don't have any babies in NEITHER my family NOR my hubby's that were under 8lbs for as many generations as we know of).

So the next appt was with the other OB and she walked in and started in immediately about how she could tell just by looking at me that I was going to have a big baby and she could easily see that my hips were quite small. Now, those two statements were both extremely odd to me. I'd never heard that you could just "tell" how big a baby was by looking at a woman and I've NEVER been told I have small hips...NEVER....dear lord NEVER, lol. I don't remember all the rest of the details but I left really shaken up and I believe that was the day I left crying. C-section was thrown on the table and I was scared shitless. The natural, med free birth I so wanted was in jeopardy. But I was still a few weeks out so maybe things would change and they were planning on doing another ultrasound closer to my due date (which was set by multiple corresponding ultrasounds which matched ovulation).

So I didn't tell anyone because I was embarrassed beyond belief. I'd gained too much weight and whether it was due to weight or not, c-section was on the table. I had failed somehow. I'm not sure who, but someone asked about me getting a second opinion. I didn't even begin to know how to go about getting a second opinion with less than a month to my due date or if such a thing was even possible. Besides, that was the OTHER OB, not mine and I trusted mine.

So the next time I go in it's with the other OB again. She starts with, "please tell me you're planning to get an epidural" and then laughed when I said I had no intentions of it. I stated that my OB said she writes orders for it so I can have it if I so choose but I did not intend to ask for it. Again c-section gets thrown out there. I'm kind of panicked now. I say that I want things to progress as naturally as possible and I don't want to induce and I don't want to be cut. She was offering me a scheduled c-sect at that point. I want to say it was like 2-3 weeks from my due date. My internal exams continued to be totally soft, not effaced, dilated 1 cm....every week.

The other piece was that my heart started racing if I walked too long. Too long= around a nearby outlet mall and around our regular mall. I was also getting some weird vision things which was related to the racing heart. My blood pressure was more than fine and everything else was fine. I was swelling but at 39 weeks pregnant, who isn't swollen? After the second day of heart racing over the weekend the other OB (who was on call) told me to go to L&D for monitoring. They gave me an IV and I had to drink water and they monitored me for a few hours. Nothing wrong other than my heart rate was high. But I had an appt the next morning anyway so I went home and everything was fine. My last appointment was with the other OB, AGAIN. She said she was nervous about my heart and that we needed to get my baby out. He was too big. I had another ultrasound done and his head was measuring big but not much bigger than the one nearly a month before and his weight estimate was about the same which was like 7lbs 7oz or something. Maybe more, I don't remember. Anyway, my exam was the same as it had been...fully soft, not effaced, not engaged, dilated 1 cm. She was worried and we needed to schedule an induction.

Okay fine, my mom was induced with me and she had a natural birth otherwise. I was scared and trusting. So she said she might have to fudge some numbers to say that my cervix was more ready for induction than it was esp since the hospital doesn't allow for induction based on "big baby." Why I didn't pay any attention to those red flags, I'll never know.

So everything gets scheduled. I went in at like 10pm to start cervical ripening overnight with pitocin to start in the morning. If things didn't progress I'd be sent home, so we didn't tell anyone what was going on because we didn't know. After an awful night of trying to keep Squirmy on the monitors (he hated those damn things) and still get some sleep, MY OB showed up first thing in the morning to examine me. The cervical ripener thingy was half out so it hadn't been against my cervix the whole night (who knows if it ever was or for how long). Exam was the same...totally soft, station -3, 1 cm, not effaced...nothing had changed in 6 weeks...nothing. He wasn't moving down because he was too big. Then she tells me that his head measured 10cm on Monday (this is now Friday morning) and that really that's bigger than a lot of women can handle because you only dilate to 10cm. So by now his head was surely even bigger. The cervical ripening failed because he was too big to descend. They couldn't try the pit because it wouldn't do any good. Nothing would get him to descend.

I had 2 options...have the c-section that day or go home, wait to go into labor, come to the hospital and have the c-section then. Either way, there was no way he was coming out vaginally. It was WAY too risky for his safety and mine. So I asked her to leave so that my husband and I could discuss things. I was terrified. I wanted to trust her but I felt like things weren't right. But I was so afraid something terrible would happen if I didn't listen to her and tried to birth him vaginally. Hubby and I agreed to go ahead with the c-section that day since it was inevitable. I never felt one contraction. Not one.

I was shaking as they wheeled me into the OR and I was desperate for my husband, my best friend, to be with me. They wouldn't let him in until certain things were done. Turns out they started the surgery before they let him in. I was crying as they did the spinal. My OB made fun of me and told me I should be happy...this was the happiest day of my life...my child was going to be born...and besides an owie here (motions across her abdomen) is better than an owie down there, she would know she's had the latter twice. The nurses laughed as one pointed out that you should always wait to shave the patient until after the spinal in case you knick her like I'd just been knicked. I had no control over anything. The room was spinning. I was scared and alone.

Finally my husband came in and I was still shaking and petrified. Then they pushed Squirmy out of my stomach and he started crying. They held him over the sheet so we could see him and my husband and I started crying. I was sobbing with relief and joy. The OB tainted the moment with a comment about how big his head was and how she was right about me never being able to birth him. Funniest part was, his head measurement was NEVER taken at the hospital. There's no recording of his head measurement until his 1 month well visit. It crossed my mind to check it, but I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know it was perfectly small enough to have been born vaginally, they way he should have been. I didn't want to know I had made the wrong decision.

So that's the story of how my 8lb 1oz "too big" baby boy came into this world and why I firmly believe that a c-section wasn't necessary.

As an interesting point of note...my mom knew of two other women due around the same time as me who went to the same practice. Both of them had scheduled c-sections for "too big" babies...one of which had 2 previous vaginal deliveries.

Hevea Pacifier Review

2010-12-07T14:03:00.001-05:00

I Squirmy was given the opportunity to review a pacifier from Hevea. At first I was excited but also fairly apprehensive. He's been rather selective about his pacifiers, and I was worried he'd refuse to take a new one.

The package arrived one night before bed time. The outside packaging is made from recycled paper and printed with soy ink! The "plastic" wrap around the pacifier is compostable! I was pretty impressed!

Because Squirmy is nearly 8 months old (when did that happen?!?), they sent me a 3m+ pacifier with moon and star cut outs! The pacifier boasts impressive eco-friendly, baby friendly, and general piece of mind qualities:

100% natural rubber latex
Hygienic one piece design – no joints, cracks or edges
Soft material and ergonomic shape – soft and gentle against baby’s face
Doesn’t leave marks, prevents vacuum around the mouth
Sustainably produced
Recycled and biodegradable packaging materials
Meets EU standard EN1400, US regulations CPSIA & AUS regulation AS 2432-1991
No PVC, no BPA, no phthalates, no artificial colors

So that's all fine and good and all that...but what would Squirmy think? My kid's not the "give me my paci, my life is not complete without it" kind of kid. He's the "well I guess if I can't be attached to Mommy 24/7, I'll settle for a pacifier" kind of kid. My kid has refined tastes (ahem...picky/spoiled). Like I said, it was bedtime and Squirmy was in his usual mood: protest. I yanked it out of the package, popped it in his mouth, and crossed my fingers. To which Hubby replied, "Uh, aren't you supposed to sterilize it or something first?" But before I could care, he was happily sucking away and drifting off to dream world.

I've been trying to get a picture of him using it for this post but haven't been able. First, I don't dare disturb the newly asleep babe since he doesn't sleep as much as he should (read: as much as I'd like). Second, he's always been one to spit out pacifiers once he's in a deep sleep (when a picture would be most ideal). Third, within a couple of weeks, he stopped using pacifiers all together.

Which brings me to my other favorite part of this pacifier! It's GREAT for teething. Squirmy loves chewing on it!! It's hysterical to hear it squeezing against his smooth gums.

SO! If you're looking for a great pacifier that's natural and picky-approved...this would be it!!

You can buy it at http://heveababyusa.com/ or check out their Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/heveausa!!

**I was given the above described pacifier for review. I was not compensated in any other way and the expressed opinions are my own.

The circle of life and love that extends beyond

2010-11-05T10:17:00.001-04:00

Last August I was battling the first trimester zombie syndrome and dealing with my overly excited mother. One ordinarily typical day my phone rang...my mom. I considered not answering it since I was exhausted and her excited chatter was more than I wanted to deal with at that moment. I answered anyway. She was walking home from the mechanic after dropping her 14 year old car off yet again. I offered to get her and run her home but she said she needed the fresh air. Then her voice caught and my heart dropped. Something was wrong. My mind went blank as she told me that my grandmother had just called her. Then she told me that my great uncle had passed away at 64 years old...completely and utterly unexpectedly. The details were still muddled, but the bottom line was clear. I fell into a hormonal, grieving mess as my hubby rushed to my side not knowing what my mom had told me.

The next week was difficult between traveling and the funeral and getting sick (from traveling) and the first trimester zombie syndrome. The one thing we knew for sure was that if we had a boy, he would have my uncle's name as his middle name. It honors both my uncle and my husband's grandfather. Fast forward a couple of months and that tale tell ultrasound had us scrambling to pick out a boys name. I hadn't really paid much mind to the fact that my uncle actually went by his middle name. When we announced Squirmy's first and middle name to the family, my aunt choked up. My late uncle and Squirmy would share the same first 2 initials.

My aunt and cousin threw a lot of their attention into my pregnancy, giving them something positive to focus on during that first, oh-so-hard year without my uncle. My uncle always wore Polo shirts to work...always Polo. So amongst the many odds and ends they spoiled us with, they were determined to find something Polo for Squirmy. The day they set out to buy the outfit proved fruitless, at first. Nothing was particularly attractive; nothing quite fit what they were looking for. They gave up and vowed to look in other department stores or come back another day. My cousin went to another rack to browse for other outfits to send us.

There in the middle of the rack, in the middle of the non-Polo section of the store, was 1 outfit. The perfect outfit. They hadn't seen anything like it and couldn't find where it would have come from. My cousin insists her father picked it out and put it there for her to find.

It was a touching story that warmed all of our hearts...but we didn't realize the story wasn't finished.

When Squirmy was 6 months old, we asked our dear friend Kerri McConnell to help us capture pictures of our sweet boy in 2 heirloom outfits (one from my family, one from Hubby's family) and in his Polo outfit. The shots of the heirloom outfits were for Squirmy's grandmothers' birthdays which were right around his 6 month mark. The Polo outfit was, of course, meant for my aunt and cousin, just because. I bought the frames and has the prints made. The birthday gifts were in pretty bags with tissue while the Polo outfit picture sat wrapped in paper. I, of course, forgot to get a padded envelope to mail it.

As life often does, it got busy. So much happened so quickly, and I repeatedly forgot to pick up an envelope to mail off the photo. It sat in the utility closet...and sat....and sat. This weekend I finally had an envelope on my list for Target (you know 1.5 months later)! I packaged it up, addressed it, and had it waiting for the chance to run to the post office. Well, Tuesday was election day. Since I'd forgotten to mail in our ballots, I had to run them to the local library where they were collecting them. The library is on the same block as the post office, so I grabbed our ballots, the package, and a check I needed to deposit along the way. I smiled to myself, knowing how unexpected a package from me would be.

My phone rang last night and I smiled when I saw who was on the line. I could hear the catch in my aunt's voice and was glad she like the picture. Then she started crying: "Did you know that today would have been our anniversary?" My eyes filled with tears. I never had any idea when their anniversary was, not even a general time of year. I wouldn't have been able to pull that off if I'd planned it.

Who knew that one little outfit could hold so much magic? Or perhaps divine intervention? Or just love reaching beyond the grave?

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-03T09:39:00.000-04:00

(And I'm glad I did! Our gubernatorial race is so close here that results are still not in.)

sleep update

2010-11-02T10:12:00.001-04:00

Here's an update to the post I wrote a couple of days ago. I think I've figured some things out with this whole sleep thing, but I'm still not sure what to do about what I've figured out.

For starters, last night I was thinking about how well Squirmy used to sleep, then when he slept okay but not super, then when it all went to...well...hell. Here's a little time line for you.

0-2 months sleeping all night long, waking several times a night but going back, to sleep after being fed and changed, napping okay, always swaddled and held while napping
2-4 months, sleeping through the night in his bassinet next to our bed, waking at like 6/7 and sleeping until 10 or so, still swaddled at night (can't remember for naps), basically always being held for naps.
4-5 months, still swaddled at night, waking a couple times a night, a lot more co-sleeping, started watching another child during the day, still being held for a lot of naps, but not all
5-6 months, swaddling is hit or miss at night (every time I think he's fine without it, I try it again and he sleeps better), started watching a toddler (so 2 kids plus Squirmy during the day), not swaddling during the day, nights and naps progressively getting worse, sleeping in his vibrating chair for naps, spending a good portion of the night in bed with me, moved his crib into our room, took the front off and pushed it up against our bed
7 months...SLEEPING SUCKS!!! We've gone back to fully swaddling every night, most of the night in our bed. Naps are a terrible fight, TERRIBLE, and he's consistently sleeping 30 min for naps.

Here's the kicker, though. A couple of days ago, I started holding Squirmy for his naps again, mainly by accident. He went from screaming and 30 min to no screaming and 2 hours of sleep. We went from 5-6 naps a day to 2-3. AND he started sleeping significantly better at night (longer and more time in his crib/cosleeper).

So now what? I can't realistically hold him for every nap. Some have suggested that the vibrating chair has become uncomfortable for him. Some have suggested getting a mattress for the Pack and Play so he'd actually sleep in it for once. I've wondered about getting an Ergo so I could "hold" him and still be mobile and have my hands free (jury's out on if he'd sleep in it). Some have suggested swaddling for naps again. Some have suggested me sleeping with his nap time toys/blankets to get my scent on them. Some have insisted I "break" him of me holding him for naps (which I don't think it's a habit since I haven't done it for months). Some have suggested wean him from nursing to sleep (which he does often but not always). Some have suggested I always nurse him to sleep. Some say swaddle as long as he needs it. Some say swaddling has become a crutch and I need to wean him out of it.

I feel like I'm being torn in so many directions and I don't know what to do. I don't want to do the wrong thing, but I don't know the right thing to do. I've been trying to follow my instincts as much as possible with everything we've done with him. Now I feel like mother nature is out to lunch and left no instructions.

Anyone have any advice? Any suggestions? Any connections that you see that I haven't noticed? Help!

I love Shutterfly!

2010-10-28T20:21:00.000-04:00

With all the random offers and coupons and swag you get when pregnant and with a newborn, it seemed the options for birth announcements were endless. I looked through several websites and stores trying to find the right one for us. To be honest, I hated most of them. They were tacky and cutesy. I wanted simple and sleek. I found a Shutterfly coupon code and browsed through their selection. Then I fell in love!

This was Squirmy's birth announcement (though the pictures were of him, as were the details). I absolutely love it! It gave just the right amount of information without being overwhelming and just the right amount of graphics to make it attractive without taking away from the pictures! Add in the coupon code and a gift certificate I'd received from them as well, and the price was unbeatable. I was sold!

As people printed photos for us from different sources, I began to notice a big difference. I thought our local drug store printer was as good as any, but I did miss the days of film cameras and the quality of prints that came from 35mm. Sure digital cameras can take amazing pictures, but I wanted prints that were just as nice. One of my friends order a bunch from Shutterfly and I was amazed at the quality!! Just like it used to be!

It was a no-brainer where I was going to order our Christmas cards! This is the picture we are going to use :)

With this card:

Even better, Shutterfly is offering 20% off all holiday cards! So if you're super on top of things or just can't wait for the holiday season (like me), take advantage of the sale! I can't wait to send out our washed up penguin on the winter scene card to our northern relatives, lol. Yes, I'm a dork!

*I was not reimbursed for this post; however I will receive 50 free cards for post. The opinions expressed are truly my own.

Trial and Error....but mostly error

2010-10-28T18:38:00.001-04:00

Sleeping has become quite the game in our house. Squirmy is now 7 months old and sleeping worse than he did as a newborn. *le sigh* I read The No Cry Sleep Solution and it had some decent ideas, but I don't really get it. I know part of our problem is because we keep Squirmy up late at night, but he does have the opportunity to sleep as late as he pleases in the morning. I really REALLY hesitate to put him to be earlier because DH doesn't get home until 8pm most nights. If Squirmy had an earlier bed time, he'd literally never see his dad during the week. I'm starting to notice he seems to roll over onto his belly in his sleep. The only problem is that if he's on his belly BEFORE he's asleep, he'll just crawl around and not settle. He screams at nap time regardless of if I try to put him down at the first sign of sleepy, when he's overtired, or somewhere in between. The only place he'll nap is his vibrating chair, but he screams if I put him near it (he's fine if he crawls up to it and proceeds to climb it). If he goes down screaming, he'll only nap 30 min, tops. I've taken to picking him up and just dealing with the grumpy tiredness than the screaming. I tried the book's suggestion of trying to comfort Squirmy gently at the first sign of stirring so he'll settle back in and sleep...but that's a joke. From the first sign of stirring to fully awake is about a nano second. True story.

Here's his typical (and I use that word loosely) sleep pattern:

9:30-10:30 wake for the day
11:30--nap for 1hr
2:00--nap for 30min
5:00--nap for 30min
8:00--nap for 30min
10:30-11:00 bedtime...clean diaper, pj's, swaddled, nurse, Dr. Seuss book, crib

Some days he'll get two 2hr naps in. A lot of days he'll never sleep a full hour.

I literally have NO idea how often he's waking at night now. I pull him into bed with me and nurse him. At some point I wake back up and slide him back into his crib (it's pushed up against our bed with no front on it). I'd guess I'm waking at least 4 times a night, not for very long, but still.

I'm not ready to try any sleep training that involves him crying. I just can't handle it. He gets this panicked look on his face, flairs, and tears fall when he screams and it breaks my heart. I don't know what else to do or try. DH has no patience for his screams and as of right now, Squirmy won't take a bottle (though I think he might soon...more on that later).

I feel so stuck. I want to do the right thing. I want to make the short term sacrifice for the long term gain, but I don't know what that is. I really wish I had some parenting expert of some sort to talk this over with. I already lie to our ped about our sleeping arrangements and he's been pushing me to get Squirmy into his own room for months now anyway. I'd hate to be one of those parents who complains about their situation and then does nothing about it, but I just don't know what TO do.

Not sure if I'm looking for advice or empathy or just a space to complain....but this....this SUCKS.

2010-10-27T10:36:00.000-04:00

I haven't been very good about keeping up with my blog. :( Life has been chaotic lately. I now have 2 extra kids during the day, one who's 2 months older than Squirmy (so 9 months now) and my nephew who's 9.5 months older (about to be 17mo). They keep me busy for sure.

I also got away from blogging a bit because my best friend was living with us. She moved towards the beginning of the summer. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement. Despite all the naysayers and warnings about having a roommate, the situation turned out to be ideal. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, she quickly turned from my best friend/our roommate to family.

*insert long discussion about immigration laws, politics, and other absurdities*

This weekend, my dear friend had to leave our home/her home. She had to fly back to England, a country she was born in but has never considered home. Her departure was harder than I expected. Don't get me wrong, I expected to be upset....just not this upset.

For those outside of the situation, it's hard to understand. So what? She went back to England, no biggie. But it is a big deal. She left not by her own will; she left upset; she went somewhere she hates under circumstances that are difficult; she cannot return to visit (and we don't know when she'll be able to come back at all); we cannot afford to fly to England to visit her; she is very much a part of the family; she was a huge part of our daily lives.

I keep thinking about how you feel when someone passes away or you go through a rough break up. Every little thing you do reminds you of that person. Every little thing is infused with a memory. Every little thing turns into something upsetting and mournful. That's where I am. Every little thing is setting me off. Every little thing reminds me of how she's not in my daily life. Every little thing is a haunting reminder that she's not here.

This sucks...yeah...that's all I got...

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-13T11:17:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-06T10:30:00.000-04:00

Playing together with Squirmy's new toy. I absolutely LOVE that my son will grow up with a wonderful friend and role model...and will call him "Daddy".

Charlie Banana Winner!

2010-10-03T10:36:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the delay! We took Squirmy to Walt Disney World yesterday and I didn't get a chance to post.

Random.org said that from 1 to 130, the winner was number 21!! The 21st entry was:

ShortyRobs said...

tweet
http://twitter.com/ShortyRobs/status/24187744214
September 11, 2010 7:44 AM

Thank you so much to everyone who entered the contest and a special thanks to Charlie Banana for letting me giveaway one of their great diapers!!

P.S. The prize has been claimed :)

Shocking!!

2010-09-25T22:18:00.000-04:00

My childhood best friend's mom is one of the head people in this Catholic prayer group that is held quarterly. Most of the women in the group are my grandparents generation, a good number are my parent's generation, and a very small portion are my generation. I was raised practically part of this very large Catholic family, and to be 100% honest, I always felt judged. My friend's mom would make her go to Catholic Mass every Sunday. If she spent a Saturday night with us, we'd go to church the next morning. She would then have to return home before evening Mass because our church didn't count (we were Methodist). Anyway, just a little back story thrown in there.

So the mom calls me and says they need a babysitter for these quarterly meetings. I agree because I can use any income possible. There was only one family who needed my services so it was a pretty smooth event. The one thing I was SHOCKED about was the way it was assumed I was nursing. For a "culture" that I felt had always judged me, I was surprised that so many of them #1 asked me about it and #2 were pro-breastfeeding. The majority of these women came from a generation where formula feeding was the only acceptable practice. On top of that, they're from an uber conservative sect of the population, a sect that believes sexual intercourse should be for procreation and not pleasure. So I found it odd that in this large group of women, carrying their Bibles and Rosaries, so many women asked/assumed I was nursing. One woman even brought me a heaping plate of food, even after I insisted I'd eaten and brought my own snacks. Seriously, I ate as much of it as I could. My friend came in and noted that what I had left on my plate was more than she'd been given to begin with.

I was really quite shocked and pleased to hear so many women asking about and encouraging nursing. :)

On a side note...is it bad that I mentally wished against an old lady who said she was praying that Squirmy would become a priest?

Sleep...why hast thou forsaken me?!?

2010-09-21T10:04:00.000-04:00

So we brought home our little bundle of joy from the hospital and reveled in the joy that he would actually sleep at night. For the first 2 months of his little life, he'd wake to be fed and changed and immediately go back to sleep. Then, for TWO WHOLE MONTHS, he slept through the night. Yes, that's right, all the way from bedtime (10pm or so) until at least 5am, sometimes as late as 9am.

But then...somewhere around 4.5 months...it was all over. Our precious little sleeper turned into a nighttime nightmare. We couldn't figure it out. Nothing changed. Maybe teething? Maybe he was getting too heavy for his bassinet thingy? Maybe pay backs for 4 months of great sleeping when he should have been killing me? He would sleep for a good few solid hours in the morning in bed with me and then in our bed after I got up. Nights that started with a dose of Tylenol and an amber necklace wrapped around his leg didn't go any better than nights without.

We decided to forgo the bassinet thingy and rig up his crib to be a giant co-sleeper. We took the front off the crib and pushed it up against our bed. The slight height difference meant he could get from our bed back into the crib but couldn't get from the crib into our bed...perfect! With a real mattress and closer proximity to me, we figured it'd go better.....But it didn't. In fact, it seemed to back fire. He was now spending progressively MORE time each night in bed with me. I'm all for co-sleeping (he was in our bed for the first month of his life), but I need the space to sleep myself. Kudos to you moms who can do it. I'm quite happy with close proximity. We got to the point where he was in bed with me, ATTACHED to me ALL NIGHT LONG! No bueno.

Then Squirmy got sick and I just kept him in bed with me all night for a few nights. It was just easier and more comforting to him. Again, attached all night long and snuggled close when he wasn't attached.

Now I'm back to trying to get him to sleep in his crib. Last night he'd wake up after an hour of being in his crib. I finally just brought him into bed with me out of desperation and exhaustion.

I'm at a loss. I don't know what to try next. Do I just forget about sleep and let him sleep with us and pray that he transitions to his crib eventually? (I know DH is going to start pushing for him to be in his crib, possibly in his own room at some point...just don't know when) Do I try putting the front back on the crib and leaving it pushed up to the bed so that he's still close, but doesn't have direct access to me? Do I put the crib back together and move it away from the bed?

We do have a bedtime routine, now. That has made bedtime a million times better, but the constant waking and wanting to nurse is driving me insane. And it's not full on nursing, it's the flutter nursing, the comfort/pacifier sucking. It feels wrong to let him cry if I can fix it, but yet I'd really like him to sleep independently.

Soooo....what do you suggest? I'm open to suggestions from any side (except the CIO camp). HELP!! and Thanks!

My baby's sick :(

2010-09-17T11:22:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to write a post on sleep for over a week now. I feel like I can't really finish it because Squirmy's sleep "pattern" is being directly influenced by a virus :(

Last Saturday we took Squirmy to Downtown Disney (DTD). It's a shopping area full of all the wonders of Disney. It was a HOT, hot FL day. We had a lot of fun and probably shed a couple of lbs in sweat! DTD also means a lot of time in the car, usually a grand total of 4 hrs each day.

It didn't come as much of a surprise that his butt looked a little off the next day. Heat + probably less frequent changes + 4 hours in a non-breathing car seat = a recipe for butt irritation. I figured it'd get better on it's own with an a/c day and frequent changes. Monday told me I was wrong. The irritation was still around so I mentioned it to my hubby. No biggie, still. Some extra nakey time and maybe a sposie with diaper cream were in order for the next day.

Tuesday--Things were still off. I let him air out as much as I could and even ~~stole~~ borrowed a sposie from one of the kids I watch so I could lather him up with diaper cream. Hmmm....nothing was getting worse, but it wasn't getting better either. Then I asked how Hubby had washed the diapers (yes, he helps with the diapers on occassion!). He'd forgotten the pre-soak. I assumed the poop hadn't had a fair shot of getting out of the diapers and decided to send them all through the sanitary cycle in the morning. Until then, I lathered him up and put a ~~stolen~~ borrowed sposie on him for the night.

He woke up SCREAMING in the middle of the night. He refused to latch and couldn't be comforted. Hubby ran off to get him a cloth diaper, thinking he was pissed about the pee laden sposie. He finally settled and went back to sleep...never did nurse...odd.

Wednesday his butt was worse :( I consulted Dr. Google and Dr. Twitter. From the best I could tell, he had a yeast diaper rash. The pictures didn't match what I was seeing on his butt, but some of them almost looked like it could be the same thing. The descriptions of yeast diaper rash were mostly different from Squirmy's symptoms, but the pimply description matched. The only kind of diaper rash that included pimply was yeast. And pimply was the only way I could describe Squirmy's butt. A couple of moms said my pictures of his butt were definitely yeast and a couple said they didn't think so.

I tried a bath in water and apple cider vinegar...WRONG MOVE! His mildly red bottom turn red hot and irritated beyond belief. :( And I suddenly noticed bumps in other places on his body :( I was worried about it spreading to the other kids I watch (I've heard some people say yeast spreads and other say it doesn't). We packed up and headed to Evening Pediatrics which is like a pediatric walk-in-clinc...so grateful they have something like that.

Not yeast...Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease :( No this is not hoof and mouth disease; two totally different things! But that explains his low grade fever and general discontent. She said he has terrible blisters in his throat...which she found out by shoving a tongue depressor down his throat until he screamed. No treatment...just lots of cuddling, nursing, and a 4 hour cycle of acetaminophen.

Since Wednesday evening, Squirmy's been getting acetaminophen every 4 hours (except over-night) and losing his mind 3.5 hours after each dose. Nights have been better simply because I've just kept him in bed with me and he's stayed attached to me most of the night. I gave up trying to move him to his crib (which is like a big co-sleeper in effect) for right now. His sleep is more important than mine. His rash has gone away and so has his fever. I think we're still dealing with throat blisters since he's still melting down every 3.5 hours (let me tell you, that 45 min between being able to give the next dose and waiting for it to take effect is HELL).

So here's hoping today is better and the end of symptoms...

Great Deal on Great Explorations

2010-09-13T04:00:00.004-04:00

This post is for Tampa Bay people. Though if you're not from this area, you can still find out if Savvy Source is in your area and sign up for great deals!

Savvy Source is offering a deal for Great Explorations membership. The membership is regularly $100 but you can get it for $50 if you follow this link. The membership includes unlimited admission for up to 5 members to the museum for one year, 20% off birthday parties, 10% off great stuff in the museum store, invitations to members only parties and previews, subscription to Great News newsletters for one year, early registration and discounts for camps. Plus the Touch Tunnel is coming back in October!! Take a look at all they have to offer here and then go here for your discounted membership!! I really hope they make this offer again later when Squirmy will be old enough to enjoy it!

It's offered through Savvy Source, who is doing great things for preschoolers and families in the community, including giving money to local preschools and scholarships to local preschoolers. It's a pretty awesome deal and Great X is so much fun.

Charlie Banana Review and Giveaway

2010-09-09T08:01:00.004-04:00

I "met" Charlie Banana on Twitter during one of the many chats. The author behind the handle was sweet and friendly. I started following Twitter and soon after on Facebook as well. That's where I happened to get the opportunity to review Charlie Banana products!

Charlie Banana sent me this great pack of goodies! They sent me a wet bag (finally!), a one size diaper with 2 inserts and a disposable insert, a sized diaper with 2 inserts and a disposable insert (in an awesome orbit print), 2 kinds of wipes, and a swim diaper!! So much awesomeness in 1 little package!!

I couldn't wait to break into my Squirmy's goodies. First up, sized diaper! The diaper has the cutest orbit print! Squirmy is barely 15lbs and at the very small end of the weight range. I love this diaper!! It has 3 snaps on each wing, which at first seemed a bit excessive, BUT makes for a great custom fit. The lining is super soft and the pocket is easy to stuff. The pocket opens in the front and has an overlap which holds in the disposable insert. I haven't had a single leak with this diaper and I don't have to worry about it. The rise is quite high in the front, but again, he's at the smallest end of the range.

I tried out the disposable insert one day when I had to attend a training. I stuffed the diaper as usual and then placed the disposable insert on top. I wanted to make it as easy to change him as possible...just yank the disposable insert out and the rest of the diaper would be good to go. Only problem was that he fell asleep in his carseat for over an hour...and NO diaper does well when he poos in his carseat. The disposable insert or not, the whole diaper had to be changed. I was sad but I don't think that was a fair shot.

This was the best shot I could get...Squirmy was living up to his name!

I also love the one size diaper. The one size feature is done through adjustable elastic inside the legs. It's a lot easier to use than I thought and makes the diaper so much more attractive without all those snaps on the front! Again 3 snaps on each side makes for a great fit and there is an ability to overlap. I'm not sure how small of a child this would work on. Squirmy is rather skinny/lanky and we have it snapped at the first non-overlapping option. The one size is actually less bulky than the sized diaper for us right now.

(real boys wear pink)

Overall pros:

high quality material
snap closure
fun prints
hybrid feature
great absorbency (even when Squirmy fell asleep before I expected and I couldn't double stuff one for the night)
flat sewn tags on the shells (I hate the look of raggedy tags, and Squirmy always grabs at tags now)
big tags that stay flat after washings on inserts (easy to grab onto to unstuff when wet)
2 full size inserts come with each diaper
so cute!!
super friendly customer service

Overall cons:

high rise on the sized diaper
front pocket opening (I prefer back since I have a boy and the front is ALWAYS wet)

P.S. The wipes, the swim diaper, and wet bag are also awesome!!

SOOOOO....Who wants to win one before you can buy them?!? One lucky reader will win one hybrid 2-in-1-Reusable Diaper with two inserts!

Mandatory Entry:

You must follow my blog via GFC. If you're email address is not visible on your profile, please leave it in at least one of your entries so I can contact you :) Then, go to CharlieBanana.com and tell me which product sounds the most exciting!

Extra Entries:

Follow @CharlieBanana on Twitter

Tweet about this giveaway, must include @CharlieBanana and a link to this post (http://bit.ly/a9lO3B) (1 per day, please leave permalink in entry)

Blog about this giveaway, include a link to your post in your entry (3 entries)

Non-Entries but good karma:

Like Charlie Banana on Facebook and tell them I sent you (I got to try out their diapers by following them on Facebook...so do it!)

Follow me on Twitter

Giveaway closes October 1st at midnight EST. I will use Random.org to chose a winner, email the winner, and post it on Saturday, October 2nd. Good luck!!

**These products were given to me free of charge to review. The opinions expressed are my own. Please see my disclosure policy for full details.

Comedy of Errors

2010-08-30T11:44:00.002-04:00

Just to note, I started writing this at 10:45am. So far it's been a really long day...

7:30--wake up, get dressed, turn on baby monitor

7:40--work on picking up the living room/dining room/kitchen...discover that the dishes in the dishwasher are clean and there are dirty dishes stacked ALL OVER the kitchen from last night's dinner (despite my husband PROMISING he'd take care of the dishes after dinner last night)...half unload the dishwasher

8:00--my charge arrives, get the run down from his dad, say good bye, play for a few minutes

8:15--place charge in the jumperoo and finish cleaning the kitchen...discover there is no Mt Dew and only 1 Cherry Coke (I do not drink coffee...Mt Dew is my coffee!)

8:30--notice the charge is falling asleep in jumperoo as I finish the kitchen...move charge to swing (his nap location)

8:45--hear rustling on the baby monitor and wonder if Squirmy is awake

8:50--hear a toy singing on the baby monitor and ascertain that Squirmy IS awake

8:50-9:10--discover that Squirmy's diaper has leaked (he and his bedding are SOAKED), give Squirmy a bath, bring him downstairs for a diaper and onesie

9:10--sit down to feed Squirmy only to discover he's woken my charge who now fusses from the swing as I feed and cuddle with Squirmy

9:20--put Squirmy on the floor to play, pick up charge, change his diaper, put him on the floor to play

--DRINK ONLY CHERRY COKE IN THE HOUSE--

9:30--warm a bottle for charge and let dog outside to do business

9:40-10:00--try to get charge to pay attention long enough to drink the bottle he clearly wants and wonder why Squirmy is making a strange noise (while he plays on the floor next to me)

10:00--try to burp charge as tries to get away from me to play, give up and see why Squirmy is making an odd noise

10:05--pick up Squirmy to discover my hands are now wet...and discover his diaper has leaked poo at both leg openings (though luckily not up the back)

10:06--take Squirmy's diaper off and suddenly remember telling DH that I didn't think Squirmy had pooped at all yesterday (he's a several time a day pooper)...the poor diaper didn't stand a chance...carefully try to figure out what to do to minimize poo spreading

10:08--carry Squirmy like a roped calf to the kitchen, spray off entire lower half of body, note to check charges head later since it's now bright red and he's screaming

10:10--back on the changing table, wipe the remaining poo off of him, curse myself for getting poo on the changing table cover, laugh as Squirmy pees on me

10:15--Squirmy is changed and clean and I've stripped to my nursing tank, put Squirmy down for a nap

10:20--Strip changing table, talk online while charge plays, wait for roommate to come down to keep an eye on charge while I change

10:30--run upstairs to change my clothes and put the diapers in the dryer...discover cat sleeping in the crib and that the dog has peed in the house, shoo cat, clean up pee, change clothes, put diapers in the dryer, pray that whatever is making charge cry ceases before he wakes Squirmy

10:40--return downstairs to learn charge has hit his head AGAIN, and note that charge looks sleepy...put charge back in swing and pray his obligatory nap protests don't wake Squirmy (who slept through the head banging screaming)

10:45--Charge is asleep, Squirmy is awake but not convincingly so, shake Squirmy's chair with foot, start blogging

10:55--decide Squirmy is not going back to sleep and pick him up before he wakes Charge, feed Squirmy again, continue blogging while Squirmy eats

11:05-11:20--play with Squirmy and pray his happy chatter doesn't wake Charge

11:20--get Charge out of swing, change his diaper, wonder if I'm going to get to go to the bathroom at all today

11:25-11:45--inhale far too many graham crackers without noticing because I'm trying to eat while I have a chance, defuse tug of war on clothing, supervise play, blog

There you have it. It's nearly noon and if I hadn't just written it all down, I wouldn't have been able to tell you where those 3 hours had gone. Now I can safely say the past 3 hours were filled with dishes, 4 diaper changes, 1.5 baths, 3 outfits for Squirmy, 2 outfits for me, 3 feedings, 3 entirely too short naps, a little bit of play, and a little bit of blogging. *sigh* Just one of those days :)

EDIT: Apparently the comedy wasn't meant to end at 11:45... In the last 20 minutes we've had 2 fuss fits, 1 leaky diaper/diaper change, 1 outfit change...and I finally got to go to the bathroom.

He wouldn't hurt me, he's my friend...

2010-08-28T17:30:00.001-04:00

I recently agreed to babysit for a Catholic prayer group that meets quarterly on Saturday mornings. It's a paying gig that would help a friend of the family. Because of all the abuse allegations and substantiated cases, our local Diocese is requiring all adults whom come in contact with children take a "Safe Environment" course. The aim of this course is to educate and make us aware of how/when/where abuse can occur, and thus how to prevent it. The materials they handed out were informative and accurate. The instructor's interpretation of these materials was shameful, misguided, misinformed, and served to perpetuate the myths which have allowed and aided sexual abuse to continue.

Anecdotally, I would venture to guess that the rates of sexual abuse are much higher than statistics show. RAINN says that 1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted but that 60% are not reported to the police (1). I can honestly say that I cannot think of a single (female) friend who has not been sexually abused in some manner, myself included. It's all very hush-hush and shameful. I didn't even recognize that I'd been abused for years. I let myself change the story. I ignored that he forced himself on me, ignored that I'd try to push him off of me, ignored that I cried after our sexual encounters, ignored that I was ashamed of my body (so much more so than before the abuse started), ignored so many tell-tale signs. Why? Because I didn't know you could be raped by your boyfriend. I didn't know that I could think I loved someone who was raping me. I didn't know that rape wasn't necessarily something that happened in a dark alley by a creepy man in a trench coat. I didn't know how to accept that my virginity was taken by force and not lovingly given. I didn't know that rape was most often (73%) done by someone the victim ALREADY knows(1).

I was disappointed in the way the material was presented today. I hated the way the instructor protected the church and perpetuated the myths with her rhetoric: "Sexual abuse didn't exist when I was a kid." "This is a new problem." "Sexting is a new thing." "Abuse is not holy or Christian [thus implying that someone who is holy or Christian would/should be someone you can trust not to abuse]." "There are sick people out there [but surely none in here]."and one of my favorites "These kids bring their xboxes, cell phones, and iPods to school in their pockets and you don't even know." (still don't know how that last one has anything to do with abuse)

So here's my PSA. One of the handouts was a list of Myths/Facts about Child Sexual Abuse (a handout that was not discussed, nor were any of the points made at any time during the training). It sites the source to be Myths and Facts about Sexual Offenders, Center for Sex Offender Management (2). Here are the points from the sheet:

Child Sexual Abuse is NOT a rare occurrence.
It is important for children to have information about sexual assault.
It is NOT damaging NOR dangerous to give children information about sexual assault.
A discussion about sexual assault will NOT scare children.
A discussion about sexual assault will NOT scare children from all touch.
Most children who are assaulted are attacked by someone they know.
Sex offenders are NOT dirty old men.
The majority of sexual offenders are not caught, convicted, nor imprisoned.
Sex offenders do NOT commit sexual crimes because they are under the influence of alcohol.
Incest does NOT occur only in poor, undedicated families.
Children do NOT do anything to cause the sexual abuse to occur.
Sexual abuse, including incest, is damaging to the child.

While I wholly appreciate what the church is trying to do, this instructor was not educated enough on the issue and did counter service to the cause.

We need to be talking about abuse, ways to prevent it, how it happens, where it happens, who it happens to, who's doing it, what to do if it does happen... We need to be having open conversations about the topic. We need kids to know that it's not okay and just because they know the person or s/he is their teacher/friend/pastor/priest/care giver does not give them the right to abuse them. Rates of abuse are going down (1) because people are standing up and talking about it. If we keep the conversation going, the rates can continue to go down.

Just in case you're wondering... telling a room full of parents, educators, and child care givers that you were surprised to learn that children have rights is probably not the best way to win over the crowd. Oh, and the reason you shouldn't use corporal punishment is NOT because you'll have to wonder if your kids will call the cops on you. Just sayin'.

1. http://www.rainn.org/statistics
2. http://www.csom.org/pubs/mythsfacts.html

Mommy Wars

2010-08-26T13:33:00.001-04:00

I'm over it. Seriously ladies. I'm over it. Being a mom is hard enough without wondering who's judging us and if we're doing it right and all of that. And it's not the childless folk or dads that we're worried about...it's the other moms out there.

I spent a lot of time researching how to get pregnant, why I wasn't getting pregnant, and what to expect once it finally worked. Then when it did work, I immediately launched into researching how to be pregnant, delivery, and the early days of mommyhood. I made a lot of decisions about what I would and wouldn't do...some of which went by the wayside as I learned the truths of motherhood.

One of the biggest issues I see creep up in the Mommy Wars is feeding. Yes, I breastfeed. Yes, I think breastfeeding is best FOR ME. Yes, I think we need to be more supportive of each other and educate each other on the benefits of breastfeeding. Yes, I do think there are situations where breastfeeding isn't the best option. Yes, I do think there are scenarios where formula might be best. Yes, I do think moms who are breastfeeding and formula feeding should be supported.

I'm a part of a breastfeeding support group online. A mom came to the group to ask for help on behalf of her friend who gave birth 2 days ago. She explained that the friend was trying to breastfeed but that she was in a lot of pain (despite being told her baby's latch was perfect) and ready to give up. She asked a couple of specific questions and some of us gave her some advice to try out...specifically to talk to an LC about the latch. Then she accused her friend of not caring about the baby's health because she never wanted to breastfeed in the first place and her husband was pushing her to do it. She said the friend was becoming resentful of the baby and her husband because of the pain she was in. She said that the friend's family was of the mindset that only poor people breastfeed (which is a whole other can of worms). She also made it clear that she disapproved of her friend wanting to return to work and school rather soon. This was my response to her:

If she's resentful breastfeeding, than perhaps breastfeeding isn't best for that family. Sure there are a lot of benefits, but if the mom is resentful, there's no point...in my opinion. She needs to be spending time bonding and loving her child. If feeding the baby formula means they can bond and have a loving relationship, then that's what's better for the situation. Bonding is SOO SOOO important and part of the reason breastfeeding is so good...but if the bonding's not happening... Plus if she thinks breastfeeding is for poor people (which in all truth families of lower socio-economic status are FAR less likely to BF), she probably IS thinking about the health of her child. She probably thinks that formula IS better for her child. That's not her fault, that's the fault of the formula companies and their shady campaigns. While we should support and enable moms who want to breastfeed and educate those who are pregnant or TTC or might TTC in the future, I think we have to be careful about making sure we support those who do and not condemn those who don't. As much as I believe breastfeeding is the best choice, at the end of the day, formula is a "good enough" replacement.

One thing I've ALWAYS had difficulty with in my life is expecting people to live up to the standards I set for myself. I do what I do because I think it's what's best...and it is what's best FOR ME. Some moms are better suited to get back out in the world and do their adult thing and only have the nights and weekends with their child. It's how our society was trained to think and behave. For me, it was best for me to quit my job and change our families living standards to fit our lowered income. But for other families there are very good reasons why that's not the best choice. I think a lot of it comes down to my diagnosis, as well. I knew at 16 years old that I might never have children. Therefore, having a child is SO much more special and such a blessing to me in a way that it might not be to other moms. I signed up for this lock, stock, and barrel...but not everyone goes in the same way.

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. I certainly don't mean it to be. We all decide what's best for us based on this reason or that reason...and this reason may be just as valid as that reason.

I don't mean to come off as judging the mom who sought help for her friend. As much as the formula companies try to brainwash moms into thinking formula is best (as is the case with her friend), the counter movement can be just as strong sometimes. It's easy to get swept up in the "you MUST do it this way" current on any topic. I'm certainly not without fault in that category. Rather I wanted to use this example to show how the Mommy Wars can get the best of all of us.

I may get blasted for this from the pro-BFing world...but that's exactly what I'm talking about. We need to quit tearing each other down for our decisions. We need support...we all need support. At the end of the day, I'm going to be a better mommy and have a better adjusted child if I have support rather than if I made this decision to go with the popular option at the time. Educate the masses on what you believe is right, then support those who agree with your opinion. But support those who agree doesn't have to be at the exclusion of those who don't. We're all human, we're all trying, and we all want what's best for our children.

Answering Cloth Diaper Questions

2010-08-26T09:46:00.000-04:00

Lauren over at How Great is your Faithfulness asked about cloth diapering. I tried to write her a response, but blogger said my comment was too long. So, I posted it here instead (plus I can do links here).

1. What brand cloth diapers do you use, and why did you pick that brand? We use bumGenius 3.0s and the organic All-in-Ones. They're super easy and tried and true. We also use Charlie Banana (a new brand) because I got them for free...and love them.

2. What were your start up costs and what did that give you? Originally I spent $300 on 12 bumGenius AIOS and 5 GroBaby diapers. These were a combo of sales and ebay purchases. I have since added 6 3.0s, 1 Green Acres Design and 2 Charlie Banana diapers. My grand total investment was $400 for 26 diapers.

3. How many diapers do you have? 12 bumGenius AIOS, 5 GroBaby diapers (considered all-in-two or hybrid), 6 3.0s (pocket diapers), 1 Green Acres Design (pocket), 2 Charlie Banana diapers (pockets, 1 one size, and 1 sized). Grand total of 26.

4. How often do you do laundry? At first I was doing laundry every 24 hrs (only 12 diapers on a 2-3-4 month old). Now I wash every 2-3 days with 26 diapers on a 5 month old. I was afraid the extra laundry would make me give up on cloth, but it's really not that big of a deal at all. I'd MUCH rather do an extra load of laundry than throw out all those diapers.

5. Has there been any costs in up keep? The only cost of upkeep is detergent. We use Rockin' Green detergent but have switched to using it for our clothes as well. We go through about a bag a month for 3 adults, 1 infant, and the infants diapers.

6. Why do you cloth diaper? Originally it was to save money with strong environmental influences. Now it's that and because it's better for his skin, less chemicals, cuter, easier (no running to the store), and just makes me happy.

7. What is your estimated savings by cloth diapering? I've never done the math, but a few sites have. http://www.diaperdecisions.com/cost_of_cloth_diapers.htm this is a good site for comparing costs.

Here are a couple of links to posts I've written about cloth diapering.
http://makingofamodernmommy.blogspot.com/2010/07/cloth-diapering-cheat-sheet.html
http://knickernappies.blogspot.com/2010/06/no-looking-back-new-mother-explains-how.html

P.S. For what it's worth...those running newborn poops are SOOO much easier to clean up in cloth than disposables since the cloth absorbs the runny part.

Nifty Nappy Giveaway!!

2010-08-20T08:07:00.000-04:00

No, I'm not hosting a Nifty Nappy Giveaway (sad face). Nifty Nappy owner Vilate is starting a new blog just to keep reviewing other products and needs our help to get it off the ground. I don't normally do this, but I love Vilate. She's a great person and a hard working WAHM. Please head over to 6 and STILL sane and check it out. Who knows, you just might win yourself $50 in Nifty Nappies!

Wordless Wednesday a day late!

2010-08-19T11:03:00.002-04:00

Life in the Modern House

2010-08-18T09:16:00.000-04:00

So here's a glimpse into my world. This is an actual conversation I just had.

Hubby: Do you remember that weird heart pinch thing I told you about? (referencing a previous complaint about his heart/chest)

Me: Yeah

Hubby: It really hurts. It's like a muscle is pinched or something. Ow!

Me: Do you need to go to the Dr?!

Hubby: No, I feel fine. If I suddenly don't feel fine you might want to call 911.

Me: Oh that would be awesome. (laden with sarcasm)

Hubby: That would be awful....

Me: Uh, YEAH

Hubby: ....I could never eat fast food again!

Me: Yeah, that would be the awful part.

He's happily playing with his computer. I assume he's fine.

Hissy Fit Alert

2010-08-16T12:48:00.000-04:00

****This is a rant. If you're looking for happiness and rainbows, please check back another day :) I really hesitated to post this for fear of airing my dirty laundry and/or someone IRL seeing it. But I'm upset and hurt and frustrated and this blog is a place where I can turn to let it all out and be supported by other women who know what I'm going through. I've said my piece and can honestly say I would not regret it getting back to the people mentioned below.

So the other night we were having a party. Before everyone got here I tried to have Squirmy fed and rested so he'd be pleasant and so that I could host/cook without being interrupted. He was a champ getting passed around for awhile. My SIL brought a case of Mike's Hard and I was excited that I actually had a bottle's worth of milk in the freezer. After awhile I tried to put him down because he was overstimulated and tired. I nursed him for a few minutes since I'd barely started my first drink. He went down for a little bit but one niece was ridiculously loud and kept waking him up. Finally I brought him back out to the party. Things were dwindling down but he was quite fussy. I kept trying to excuse his talking and explaining that he was tired. MIL INSISTED he wasn't tired and kept playing with him and bouncing him and stimulating him with every flashy musical toy she could find...seriously we only have like 2 that play music with lights and she kept shoving them in his face. Somehow I ended up with him in my lap, overtired and over it. I couldn't calm him down. This is not to say that he was screaming or throwing a fit...just talking and fussing and I know my child and he was not happy and couldn't be made happy.

I passed him off to my SIL so I could fix him a bottle...something he's only had a handful of times. He started fussing really good for her and I hurried. I mentioned to my MIL that I was fixing him a bottle so she could feed him. She was over the moon! Then she nastily told her daughter that she was in HER seat and had HER baby (UM, he's MY baby). I gave her the breastflow bottle we've always used. He just screamed. I was worried that he was too hungry to put up with figuring the bottle out (it's always taken him longer with a bottle than breast) and got out a regular bottle I'd gotten for free at some point. I figured if it was easier to get out, he might go for it. More screaming. I tried to take him to see if he'd start the bottle with me, since sometimes he won't take it unless I start it and then hand him off... he knows only I give milk. He was screaming his bloody head off by this point. I decided to trust the things I've read that say you can have 1 drink without it really affecting the baby. I'd had ONE Mike's Hard over the course of the past 2 hours. I crossed my fingers and began to nurse him.

My MIL had already stormed off to leave me with a screaming child. At this point she began CRYING, yes CRYING, and went off on my husband/her son about how she's so hurt and upset that this is the only grandchild (out of 10) that she's never been able to feed...or hold without him crying. She threw in that last part a few beats after the feeding thing. EFF YOU lady!! She supposedly breast fed 6 children and has made me feel so unbelievably uncomfortable feeding my child around her. She is literally the ONLY person I hesitate to feed around because she makes such a scene of avoiding me while feeding. Now she has the gall to complain that she's never gotten to feed him. I can LITERALLY count on one hand the number of times Squirmy has gotten a bottle.

She acts as though has hasn't spent entire afternoons and days over here just holding him and playing with him. As soon as he starts talking, she freaks out and asks him what's wrong. Then he gets upset because she's upset. She constantly complains that he's always sleeping, eating, or fussing when she's around. HE'S AN EFFING BABY!!! Mind you I have a generally good/happy baby. I simply CANNOT believe she's offended that she hasn't gotten to feed him. Wait until she finds out we're doing Baby Led Weaning and she'll never spoon him pureed peas!

The thing that really gets to me, 2 days later, is that I have bent over backwards to help her and her whole family. I have done so much for all of them. I have never asked for or wanted anything in return except respect and kindness. I have invited her into our home on days I really didn't want company. I have smiled and been a gracious hostess when I was dog dead tired and not interested in entertaining. I have never once said "no" to her coming over, even when it was inconvenient. But, she doesn't know that. I've always been gracious and welcoming and tried my hardest to make her comfortable. What she doesn't realize is all of this will now be going away. I have bent over backwards and been kicked (HARD) while doing so. No, our door will no longer be open and I just might not be as willing to have company...

House Party Sponsored by Boboli

2010-08-16T11:39:00.000-04:00

(I wish I could remember who blogged about House Party. :( If you're reading this and it was you, please let me know so I can give you credit!)

I found out about House Party on someone's blog. It looked like so much fun, so I signed up for the website and applied for the next party that sounded fun. I was picked to host a Boboli Beat the Boredom Barbecue. We had a LOT of fun!! Our grill is small so we cooked half on the grill and half in the oven. We made 2 cheese, 1 sausage and peppers, 2 bbq chicken, 1 white, and 1 ham and pineapple! So yummy! I can't wait to host my next House Party!

Getting ready!

Enjoying dinner

Yummy!

Having fun!

Yummy options!!

Bitterant Sucks!

2010-08-12T09:07:00.001-04:00

I'm sure you've all heard about kids huffing anything they can get their hands on, including cans of air. They've put in safe guards to keep kids from getting their hands on cans of air by requiring ID to buy a can of air and an age minimum. Apparently this was not enough to deter kids (really, has this ever been that effective for kids who want to get their hands on something??), so they decided to create "Bitterant Technology." Bitterant technology is an additive to cans of air that, in theory, tastes so bitter when huffed that kids won't be tempted. I don't know much about huffing or any drug use for that matter, but I have known plenty of addicts (when I was a therapist) and there's not a whole lot of anything that would prevent someone from getting high.

Let me tell you what Bitterant DOES do... It makes this cloud of bitter tasting air around your keyboard as you try to clean it. Then..just when you think you've gotten the awful taste and scratchiness out of the back of your throat...you discover that your fingers are now striking the keys that you just cleaned with this awful substance. And THEN you discover just how often you touch your mouth AND how many things you touch make their way into your mouth. The latter is truly remarkable, at least it was to me.

After spending the better part of yesterday tasting bitterant and being unable to get the taste off my lips, I woke up to discover/remember the taste all over again. I've tried to wash anything I touched yesterday and wiped down my laptop. I'm HOPING this will take care of it.

So what have I learned from Bitterant Technology?? Not to buy it!

Wordless Wednesday...an exercise in decisiveness

2010-08-11T10:15:00.000-04:00

Reusable Shopping Bags

2010-08-10T10:32:00.001-04:00

I started writing a response to Dirty Diaper Laundry's ~~rant~~ post about attitudes towards reusable shopping bags, but I had enough to say to do an entire post...plus I wanted to share my experiences with my readers as well.

We started using reusable bags for grocery shopping back when it wasn't quite so posh. We're easily going on 3 years of reusable grocery bags. We've only thrown out one of our reusable bags when it mysteriously got a cut straight down the side (looked like from scissors or something). They say each reusable bag=4 plastic bags per visit. We usually use 4-5 reusable bags for a full shopping trip, each week. So let's do some math... 4 plastic bags per reusable *4 reusable bags per trip *52 trips a year *3 years = 2496 bags!! Throw in a few extra for trips that required 5 bags and smaller runs...we've saved over 2,500 plastic bags!! *pats self on back* lol I didn't realize how many we'd skipped bringing home over time.

Our local grocery stores have been really good about using our reusable shopping bags without batting an eye. They often have designs on their bags to promote buying them. My favorite is from a couple of springs ago...a pretty blue with a couple of green vines and not-too-girly flowers. Here's our method of using them:

unload groceries
stuff all bags into one (always pick the prettiest bag as the one that gets stuffed)
place pretty, stuffed bag on door handle...the one I have to touch to go out to the car
take bags to car the next time I go out
bags chill in car until next shopping trip
grab bags at store (handy "don't forget me" signs at our store helped at first)
put bags at the front of the cart
*TRY* not to bury bags while grocery shopping
place bags on conveyor belt first...before unloading any groceries (this step has eliminated them asking "paper or plastic" and/or creates a laugh/smile when they ask out of habit while holding the reusable bags)
take bags home and unload.....

So far most places have been very receptive to using the bags. Our grocery store, Publix, really encourages the use and we've heard rumors that they're going to start charging for plastic bags. Target offers $0.05 for each reusable bag you use :) Most cashier's are liberal with that, too. We bought a plastic bin (for storage) and just had the cashier load it up instead of using bags and she scanned the reusable bag coupon a bunch of times. I won an Envirosax from Sacred Bee and took it to Target. The cashier and I laughed as she stuffed it with $90 worth of stuff (I only paid $60...YAY coupons!). She took a few bags worth off for us, too.

The one negative experience we've had came at Wal-mart a couple of years ago. One disgruntled employee went on a rant about how the reusable bag thing would never catch on and it was stupid and just like some movement in the 70s that never took off and...seriously?? Just bag our stuff and shut up! You don't get paid to insult your customers!! But that was one ~~ridiculous~~ bad experience in 3 years.

I'm trying to be better about taking bags to the mall or other shopping places (aside from Target and Publix). I'd say it's getting closer to 75% success rate of taking bags to other stores. I keep them all in the car...various sizes and shapes. I usually state I have a bag when they're ringing me up, or say I don't need a bag if I'm going to toss it in the diaper bag or stroller or whatever. If they look at me like I have 3 heads I make a joke. I usually make fun of myself, "yeah, I'm trying to be green" and kind of roll my eyes at myself. That usually gets them to laugh and turns the conversation to a positive light even if they weren't positive about it before.

So that's my story... Apparently we're in a forward area that is more accepting of reusable bags. What's your story? Don't forget to head over to Dirty Diaper Laundry and give Kim some love :)

This good mood brought to you by Pandora

2010-08-09T11:20:00.000-04:00

So this morning I put on Pandora. Tired of the same old channels I figured I'd see what the "Baby Got Back" channel would have in store. The best hip hop from my Elementary, Middle and High School days. Seriously the best channel yet. HYSTERICAL!! In case you don't believe me, here's Squirmy's opinion :)

Breastfeeding Hotline

2010-08-09T11:02:00.000-04:00

Not gonna lie...I straight up stole this (with permission) from Zealand's Mom over at There's no Snakes in New Zealand. :)

A National Breastfeeding Helpline open Monday through Friday from 9-6 EST

Talk with a trained breastfeeding peer counselor in English or Spanish.

Call 800-994-9662 for support!

The whole page is loaded with information and success stories from the US Department of Health and human Services!

Pumping, nursing in public, learning to breastfeed and more!

Way to go to our government!

Appealing to Oprah

2010-08-06T13:44:00.003-04:00

Today I saw a tweet by Mama Pear Designs asking for people to join her effort to petition Oprah to do an episode on breastfeeding. On her Breastfeeding Blitz page, she has examples of the letters she has sent to Oprah, including one you can copy and paste. I wanted to help her out because I believe Oprah is very influential, regardless of your opinion of her or her show. I wrote my own letter to Oprah and submitted it here. I chose to use my own words and experience. It was difficult figuring out what I wanted to say in only 2000 characters. Below is my submission. Please take the time to visit Mama Pear Designs, take a look at her inventory, read her Breastfeeding Blitz, and consider writing to Oprah yourself.

When you speak, the nation listens. You have inspired so many to get healthy, continue reading, and helped women talk about sexual abuse. You have the power to normalize and encourage. That is why I feel doing a show on breastfeeding would not only be appropriate but an amazing support to mothers, women, fathers, and families everywhere.

I am a new mother and wanted to breastfeed. There was so much more to learn than just put him to my breast and go. The lactation consultant at the hospital gave him an unrealistic schedule to follow and told me that she needed to spend her time with patients with "real problems" since my son was latching. I was scared and nervous and worried about doing right by my child. I can't tell you how many times family offered to buy me bottles or insisted I pick up some formula "just in case." I had the support of my husband, but the media and society at large seemed to be against me. I was able to find a group of women online who were supportive and could answer my questions. I credit them with a lot of my breastfeeding success.

There has been no lack of negative press for breastfeeding lately. From women getting harassed in public arenas to celebrities tweeting their disgust for breastfeed to journalists writing about the "negative" aspects of breastfeeding. It would be incredible for someone to give some positive press to the subject.

Please consider doing an episode to highlight women and breastfeeding. The more women see breastfeeding as natural, acceptable, and positive, the more likely they are to breastfeed. Breastfeeding has been shown to be mutually beneficial. I did not laden this message with facts and stats and figures. That can all be found easily enough. I instead chose to write from the heart and appeal to you as a new mother and a woman who would have benefited from more support. We need to change our culture to accept women breastfeeding as much as we accept a woman bottle feeding.

***I was not encouraged, paid, or otherwise compensated to write this post. The opinions expressed are completely my own, it was my own desire to write to Oprah, and my choice to post about it.

Edit--Here's another letter I wrote to Oprah!

Dear Oprah,

I am writing to respectfully beg you to do a show on breastfeeding. Our country lags behind the world average for breastfeeding for a number of reasons. At the forefront is a lack of support. It seems like each day brings a new celebrity bashing breastfeeding and a new study showing how immeasurably beneficial it is. New moms don't get the support they need from friends, family, and employers because of the cultural barriers. Our country NEEDS to do something about our weight epidemic and the first step is to encourage breastfeeding. There's no doubt about your ability to persuade the masses. Please, please, please do a show to normalize and encourage breastfeeding.

As a new mom, I can't tell you the extent to which I was and am discouraged from breastfeeding. Wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if I was the last mom to be discouraged, insulted, and belittled for using my body as it was/is intended? You have that power. Please consider doing a show about breastfeeding.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Why am I here...

2010-08-05T15:16:00.002-04:00

So I've been pulled away from blogging by my extra duties lately. I realized how much I'd been absorbed by entering contests, reading the never ending additions to my google reader, twitter, and commenting on other people's blogs. A tremendous amount of time, really. I have to share my time with Squirmy during the day now that I have another child to watch. I'm just wondering how much time I want to devote to keeping up with something that takes my attention away from my sweet boy.

Then there's the whole competition thing. I fell victim to the game at first. I wanted more followers, wanted to host product reviews, wanted to be liked and popular. I never did well with the popularity game...I couldn't play the game right, spoke my mind, didn't pay attention to the rules, did my own thing and pissed people off along the way. Ya see, I don't care about what's popular or trendy or fashionable...I care about what works for me. I'm over the "how many followers can I get" game. I'll never be a "top mommy blog" and really don't need the rank to validate me.

Every time I pick up blogging there's a reason. There's some reason I'm reaching out into the wild world of the internet to find people to talk to. Sometimes it was my way of fighting off depression, sometimes it was my way of talking to people who were somewhere else in life, and sometimes, like now, to connect with people who are going through similar things.

So why am I here? Can I keep this up for my own benefit rather than as some member of the mommy wars or mommy popularity contest? Will anyone read if I don't plaster my page with product reviews or sell out by posting links just for a few bucks? Am I doing this for myself or to participate in some popularity contest I openly scorn but in which secretly wish I could rank? Am I gaining more from keeping this up than I would from spending those extra few moments cuddling with my all too quickly growing boy? Is this where I choose to spend my "mommy time" rather than going out (which I'm way too lame to do)?

Or maybe I've got too many postpartum hormones...or maybe I can't keep up with going to bed so late...or maybe I'm just nuts! Regardless I'm me :)

Wordless Wednesday

2010-08-04T21:01:00.000-04:00

Holy SCREAMER Batman!

2010-07-31T11:43:00.000-04:00

So our wonderful sleeper has decided to be a falling asleep nightmare. It's gotten to the point where every nap and every night before bed he SCREAMS. It sounds like someone is murdering him. There's not a whole lot that I can do that will help him.

We've been swaddling since birth and he's still getting swaddled. If we don't swaddle him, he flails hysterically.

I nurse him before this starts, usually. He won't latch once he gets started anyway.

Rocking doesn't help, walking doesn't help, noise doesn't help, silence doesn't help...nothing helps....he just screams himself to sleep. I hate that I can't put him down awake anymore and I refuse to put him down screaming.

I've tried giving him Tylenol just to see if it would help...it's hard to tell if it's setting in and helping or if he's just screamed enough to settle.

I just don't know what to do. I tried putting him down sleepy, go to him after a few minutes of lower level fussing, pat him or stroke him until he settles, then walk away again. Only each time he fusses it gets louder and more panicked until we're right back into the screaming. I've tried just cuddling him until he falls asleep, but he'll eventually work into screaming.

It kills me that he's getting so worked up and I want so badly to teach him good sleeping patterns (I've battled with sleeping issues since infancy). Once he's out, we're golden...it's just getting there :(

Please help!!

Slacker...

2010-07-29T17:56:00.000-04:00

So I feel like I've been ignoring my blog lately. I haven't been...or at least not on purpose. Life's been picking up speed. Hubby just finished 10 days of 10 hour shifts. It was terrible. He was grumpy and tired and I missed him like mad.

This week started my new career as a "pretend to have twins, stay at home mom." A friend of a friend desperately needed someone to watch her 6 month old during the day. I desperately needed to add to the family income. Match made in heaven. Her 6 month old and Squirmy are pretty well matched developmentally despite the 2 month gap. Both can roll in both directions, both can sit up unassisted for a short bit, both can purposefully do just about the same amount, and both are the same height, lol. It's been fun...and interesting.

I had already previously agreed to sit for a family I used to sit for this week. The kids are at junior lifeguard camp and need to be picked up at 1. So off I trudge every day, with 2 infants, to a park that's a solid 30-40 minutes from me, to pick up these other two kids. The round trip takes me nearly 1.5 hours. Good times.

So I've had my hands full this week. I can handle 1 infant and the 2 older kids. I can handle 2 infants and no older kids. But 2 infants and 2 older kids and I'm POOPED!!

Hubby was home with me through the chaos today. He'll be back to work tomorrow and then off for the weekend. Thankfully he has the weekend off...a rarity around here. Our anniversary is on Monday and we still haven't made any plans to celebrate. We need to figure something out. I need to get his present. I've figured out what I want to get...just gotta get it.

Squirmy's 4m check up was Monday. He's still barely on the chart for height earning him the nickname "too tall jones" and only about 50% for weight and head circumference. He got his shots and had an awful night :( Worst meltdown he's had in his little life.

So there's why I haven't been around (if you even noticed, lol). I'll leave you with a couple of shots of my boys :)

Day 1...fascination!

Day 3...just hanging out

Day 4...Baby races...it was a tie since the starting and finish line were the same

Wordless Wednesday

2010-07-28T18:45:00.001-04:00

4 months and 1 week :)

2010-07-24T16:56:00.000-04:00

He did 2- 360 roll overs during nakey time (hence the waterproof pad on the floor--he was having nakey time because of the poopsplosion he had in his car seat while taking lunch to Daddy at work). All that work made him hungry so I strapped a dipe on him so I could feed him....I'm not all about nursing a nakey boy! I get peed on enough without taking foolish risks like that. When he was done, he seemed to want to play some more...

I have to say...I'm pretty darn proud!

Free wedding photography!!

2010-07-23T10:12:00.000-04:00

Yes, you read that correctly! Free wedding photography! My wonderfully talented and amazingly sweet friend, Kerri McConnell, has decided to pay it forward and offer one lucky couple FREE wedding photography!

Of course you'll assume I'm biased because she's my friend...but she really is an amazing photographer. Just check out her blog if you don't believe me http://kmcconnellblog.com/

So here's the deal...She is offering to do an entire wedding for a couple. She wants every couple (whether it's for you or submitting on behalf of a friend) to send her their story. Then she'll pick one couple to get free photography. This is an AMAZING savings!! She is willing to travel, but if you live outside of the Tampa Bay area, she is asking you pay her travel expenses. A plane ticket and a couples nights in a hotel is NOTHING compared to what a good photographer will charge for a wedding! Go to her blog post to see all the details http://kmcconnellblog.com/?p=401. Feel free to pass this information along to anyone you know :)

Even if you don't need a wedding shot, or you aren't the lucky winner, take a look at her blog and consider her for your next photos. I promise you won't regret it! We didn't!

Yes, I would like a little cheese with my whine.

2010-07-22T16:38:00.000-04:00

Bare with me as I whine a little. If you don't like whiny blog posts, just stop reading and come back another day...no hard feelings. :)

It just feels like no one can catch a break lately. I'm so sick and tired of hearing about my friends and loved ones going through hell because I'm sick and tired of them having to go through hell. Maybe I'm just being negatively minded today. True there are a million blessings that could be counted, perhaps you did tell me/us/them so, and maybe it could be worse. But you know what? None of that really makes hell any easier to deal with.

Listen here karma...it's time to turn on some positive vibes for my friends and family! Or perhaps some prayers would shine some favor on them. Or maybe just happy thoughts sent their way. Whatever it is you believe in, whatever you do to ask the cosmos to quit crapping on good people, please take a moment to consider these situations for me. (in no particular order)

an amazing friend needs something to work out to keep her in the country...through no fault of her own (trust me, no fault at all) she now has to jump through a bajillion hoops to stay in the country she was raised in and has lived in 18 of her 24 years. She needs school to work out more quickly than they claim it will or an amazing job (btw, any job that would qualify to keep her here would be considered amazing)
a truly loving man needs a break at work. He needs a new job that pays well so he can quit working for the devil and actually spend time with his family...and have days off (you know, those things some people call the weekend...he's not fussy, he'll settle for 2 days off in a row no matter which 2 they are)
an unbelievably great man needs to be able to afford to finalize his divorce to a crazy wench so he can move on with his life and move out of his parent's house...bonus points if you include his defunct teenagers who can't keep themselves clean and/or out of trouble
a spectacularly sweet and loving couple needs a baby. Don't care how...her own making, adoption, stork, whatever...just something needs to fall into place and let them be a happy family. I truly don't know of anyone more deserving.
a couple of strong women who lost their husband/father who are trying to pick up the pieces and move forward with their lives, while under the cloud of potential lay offs just needs something positive and happy and secure to happen...maybe something to look forward to

So if you're not too busy...I'd really appreciate it. If you want to leave a comment with something you want me to add to my list, I'll be sure to return the favor. I'm off to find a soda and some crap to shove in my face...yes, I eat my emotions.

(not really) Wordless Wednesday

2010-07-21T14:57:00.001-04:00

When Hubby and I were engaged and planning our wedding, we lived in a part of town that was very restaurant friendly. This worked since we had a terribly small galley kitchen, no dishwasher, and expendable income. :) We fell in love with Mangs, this family own hibachi place. The owners were the server and chef. Super sweet people that came to recognize us and ask about how things were going. They heard about us planning our wedding, recap our honeymoon, and talk about our new house on the other side of town. They hosted the dinner where we told our parents we were expecting.

They watched my belly grow (from the baby and their amazing food). We were there just a night or two before Squirmy joined our little family. They wished us luck and couldn't wait to meet our newest addition.

Then we took Squirmy to pay a visit for the first time! :)

The spoon was empty, just for show. Clearly he got a taste of the soup anyway..and didn't like it.

Squirmy's new girlfriend :)

Playtime with Daddy

tisk tisk Johnny Rockets!

2010-07-20T23:03:00.000-04:00

I was about to go to bed when I saw this post from Nursing Freedom. This just kills me. Why can't people leave well enough alone?!?

With blessings, I've ~~stolen~~ ~~borrowed~~ used ~~some of~~ the facts from the original post to write the following letter. Seriously...I don't go telling bottle feeding moms to feed in the bathroom or pass judgement on them..why is this such a big deal?! This will find its way into tomorrow's mail.

Cozette Phifer Koerber
Vice President of Brand Marketing and Corporate Communications
The Johnny Rockets Group, Inc.
25550 Commercentre Drive,
Suite 200
Lake Forest, CA 92630

Dear Ms. Phifer Koerber:

I am writing to express concern about a recent incident at your Newport on the Levee restaurant in Kentucky. A mother was nursing her 6 month old and was asked to move to a bathroom to feed her child. As a breastfeeding mother and human in general, I find this very upsetting. Below you will find an explanation of why I am so upset about this. No mother should have to be harassed for feeding her child, regardless of method. No mother should be fearful to feed her child, regardless of method. No mother should have to avoid establishments because they disagree with feeding a child and with local laws. You can bet this will keep me from visiting Johnny Rockets. If I'm allow to eat somewhere, my child should be as well (as is protected by law).

Breastmilk and breastfeeding are the standard for infant nutrition.

Breastmilk contains growth factors, hormones, enzymes, and other substances that are immune-protective and foster proper growth and nutrition.[1] Breastfeeding is associated with a reduction of the risk for children of contracting pneumonia, staphylococcal infections, influenza, ear infections, severe infections of the lower respiratory tract, asthma, obesity, type 1 and type 2 diabetes, childhood leukemia, certain types of cancer, and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).[2]

Encouraging breastfeeding is an integral part of many governmental health and wellness initiatives, including programs created by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the US Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), and the White House Task Force on Childhood Obesity, among others.[3] And breastfeeding is not just for infants. The American Academy of Family Physicians 2008 Position Paper on breastfeeding states that “breastfeeding at least until the second year of a child's life is not considered 'extended' breastfeeding. Rather, breastfeeding until the bare minimum age of 2 years is the norm and anything less brings about detrimental consequences.”[4]

Children should not nurse in a bathroom.

The thought of a mother taking her child to a public restroom to nurse is disgusting and dangerous. Every time you flush your toilet, an aerosol spray of water droplets – laden with bits of feces and urine – explodes into the bathroom. Significant quantities of microbes float around the bathroom for at least two hours after each flush. In a public bathroom, that means the air is continuously blasted by feces droplets. What’s more? Women’s public restrooms contain twice as much fecal matter as men’s, probably due to the fact that there is the added contamination of soiled tampons and pads, and women are more likely to be dragging in small children and babies in need of a change.[5]

The Law Protects the Right To Nurse in Public.

Kentucky State Law KRS § 211.755 states that a mother may breastfeed her child in any location, public or private, where the mother is otherwise authorized to be. Additionally, every US State in which Johnny Rockets currently operates has similar laws in place as does locations in Canada, Europe, and other countries in which Johnny Rockets operates. As such it is the responsibility of your corporation and local managers to ensure that those working at your restaurants are aware of these laws and regulations. To not do so is truly a dramatic oversight that can lead to dangerous precedent and negligence.

Please work with me to normalize breastfeeding in our society. I am writing to ask you to take positive steps to help breastfeeding mothers.

First, if your organization has internal guidelines regarding breastfeeding mothers and how to handle complaints of patrons about a mother breastfeeding their child I encourage you toreview these guidelines on a state-by-state basis to ensure that your guidelines are not actually violating local laws. There are some very real business risk reasons to follow through on this particular item.
Second, I would also encourage you to post your policy in an easily accessible location so that all mothers who may be nursing their child can read your policy and decide for themselves whether they are comfortable with your policy.
Third, a public and sincere apology to the mother in question.
And, fourth, please educate your employees and franchisees about the rights of breastfeeding pairs.

I hope you found this information informative and helpful. Thank you for taking the time to review it.

Sincerely,

Tina

References:
[1] Hamosh, Margit, PhD, Breastfeeding: Unraveling the Mysteries of Mother’s Milk, http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/additional_reading/mysteries.html
[2] Ip S, et al., Breastfeeding and maternal and infant health outcomes in developed countries, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17764214; see also Burby, Leslie, 101 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Child (and citations therein), http://www.promom.org/101/
[3] See http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/ ; http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/policy/hp2010.htm ; http://www.letsmove.gov/tfco_fullreport_may2010.pdf
[4] http://www.aafp.org/online/en/home/policy/policies/b/breastfeedingpositionpaper.html; The AAFP’s position is almost identical to that of the World Health Organization (WHO) and UNICEF. Global Strategy for Infant and Young Child Feeding, http://www.who.int/nutrition/publications/infantfeeding/9241562218/en/index.html.
For similar positions from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and other medical organizations, see http://www.aap.org/breastfeeding/faqsBreastfeeding.html#10; see also http://www.liebertonline.com/doi/abs/10.1089/bfm.2008.9988?journalCode=bfm.
[5] Breastfeeding and Bathrooms Do Not Mix, http://codenamemama.com/2010/05/24/breastfeeding-and-bathrooms/

Coupon Clippin' Craziness

2010-07-20T22:23:00.000-04:00

So I've been a bit lax about posting. I have entirely too many blogs in my Google Reader and I keep reading those instead of posting. That and twitter and facebook and email and 4 month old...

One of the big things I've been working on is saving money (aren't we all?!?). Being a SAHM is wonderful for most things, except our finances. My poor hubby is working so much overtime but he swears he's happier working overtime and having me home with Squirmy.

We started printing coupons from smartsource.com, coupons.com, and redplum.com. We were saving some decent money with that, but it seemed like we could do better. One weekend we bought a Sunday paper from one of those boxes just to see what we might save. That weekend alone we saved something like $75 between sales and coupons. CRAZY! We decided it was more than worth it to subscribe to Sundays only. The full price of a yearly subscription for our Sunday paper is $65. I thought it'd be worth it. Even better since we found a coupon IN the paper for the subscription for $32!

So we've invested $32 to save money. Might sound counter intuitive, but let me tell you...best $32 investment. This week alone I saved $30 at Target and $20 at our local grocery store (Publix). I paid $50 and $60 at each store respectively.

I've gotten a lot of "I don't have time for that" from people. It seriously takes me about 10 minutes to go through the paper and cut out coupons and maybe another 10 to go through the online sites and print those off. I just toss them into a coupon organizer (yeah, I'm hard core like that...I think it's the same kind my granny uses, fo realz). I have the coupon organizer arranged by the aisles of the store. I pull out coupons as I put the items in the cart and put them in the very front pocket. At checkout they're all ready for me! :)

Some helpful hints I've picked up along the way:

subscribe to coupon blogs...there are a lot of them, but they're worth your time to peruse
stores will often honor manufacturers coupons AND store coupons for the same items (I had a BOGO coupon for cat treats and a store coupon for $1.50 off=2 packs of free cat treats)
some stores (Publix and Petco) will honor competitors coupons
our newspaper includes a ton of holiday papers for free with the Sunday only subscription (think black friday)
learn your stores sales cycles...our store does different BOGO specials each week. I stock up on stuff when it's BOGO
if you have a store that does BOGO, they might accept 2 coupons for the 2 items you're purchasing (for example, if you have 2 coupons for spaghetti sauce and it's BOGO you're still technically buying 2 items and can use both coupons)
sign up for clubs at any stores that offer them...you'll get coupons and freebies and special sale items

I promise this whole coupon thing is WAY easier to get into than it seems. I was intimidated by it at first but it's not so bad. Next goal...figure out the money making deals at Walgreens and CVS!

Maybe one day...

2010-07-16T19:23:00.000-04:00

So you don't know the story, but that's okay. Suffice to say my dad and I haven't spoken in 11 years. Though that's not to say I haven't reached out before. On the heels of some pretty big life changes, news that my dad is having heart trouble, and a disturbing dream about his death and loads of regret I have decided to try to reach out to him once more. This could end one of three ways: 1) no response (his typical M.O.), 2) a negative response (only happened once), or 3) he could reach back. The first would disappoint but not surprise me. The second would be hard but 11 years makes the skin tough. The third would be the most surprising and most uncharted territory. Now just the nerve to print and send this...

********************************

Dear Daddy,

It’s been awhile since we’ve chatted...too long, really. I know things aren’t the way I’d like them to be between us. For my part in that, I’m sorry. I never meant to choose between you and my mom. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for there to be this divide. I am truly and whole heartedly sorry.

Life’s journey has taken me through some crazy adventures. I graduated from high school and went on the the Honors College on a full and well padded scholarship for undergrad. I graduated from the Honors College in 2006 with my BA in Liberal Arts, concentration in Latin American Studies, minors in Psychology and Spanish. I went on to grad school and got my MA in Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling. I worked for a year and a half as an in-home family therapist. I loved my job and really felt I was making an impact.

In October 2005 I met a wonderful man. He and I quickly started dating and fell in love. About 2 years later we became engaged. A year after that we got married on August 2, 2008. He and I have grown up a lot together and taught each other a lot of wonderful qualities. We really are very good for each other.

We both knew we wanted a family, so it wasn’t long before the discussions about kids started up. I was diagnosed with a type of hormonal imbalance when I was 16 which spelled difficulties for having kids. We knew our road might not be smooth so we saw a specialist to go over options. Ten months later our journey had succeeded.

Your grandson was born March 19. 2010. I hope you got the announcement. He was 8lbs 1oz and is amazingly perfect. He’s growing so fast. Each new day brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart. We hope to give him a sibling some day, but it’s hard to imagine loving another person as much as I love him. After considering all our options, we finally decided that I would quit my job and stay home to raise him. I absolutely love being home with him each day. My degree and career will be waiting for me when I'm ready.

So that’s our story in a nutshell. I know it’s been a good number of years since we’ve talked and there are a lot of emotions on both sides of this relationship. But life is too short and moving too fast. I know it won’t be easy, but maybe we could start emailing (cricketina@gmail.com) or talking? Let me know...I’ll be here.

So, I hope this letter finds you well and not too hot out there in Arizona. Hope to hear from you soon.

Love you,
Tina

My Cloth Diapering System

2010-07-15T15:17:00.000-04:00

There are lots of articles on washing cloth diapers, how different diapers work, and even how to make your own, but what about the nitty gritty details of getting a dirty diaper from bum to pail?

This is a link-up unique opportunity, hosted by The Cheap and Choosy, My New Life as...MOM!, Trees Will Bend , and Home Grown Families, to share your system and to see a lot of other mom's ideas in one place! Please join in the fun and make this a link-up party that will help many new to cloth moms and be a fun experience for fluff addicts!

What's your diapering system and organization? Just post about it and link up!

*************************************************

I love seeing everyone's systems. I figured I'd post mine as one of the more simplistic systems. Painfully simple, really. We bought a beautiful changing table for Squirmy's room before he was born with visions of poopy diapers and love. Well...truth be told, I could probably count on one hand the number of times he's used it in his 4 months. We almost bought one for downstairs (we live in a 2 story townhome, all bedrooms upstairs, all living space down), but the PnP we bought had one attached. I can probably count on one hand the number of times he was changed on that one, too. We've gone for the minimalistic/convenience approach. Squirmy gets changed in the living room. Sometimes on the oversized ottoman from Ikea (which claims you can't wash the cover but TRUST me, you can...Squirmy has helped us prove this time and time again). Sometimes on the couch. Sometimes on the floor. We just change him wherever is comfortable and easy.

Here's my set up of supplies. A small wire basket that I believe was originally bought for me to use in the dorms in undergrad (at least that's the first purpose of it I can remember) holds the clean dipes. We have far too few dipes so the small container works. The cloth wipes hang out on the side of the basket. The solution is on the floor in front of the basket. There's a small plastic basket behind the diapers for diaper creams, barriers, and extra liners/doublers. Behind that is the dry pail. That is the same pail my mom used with me (albeit for disposables) that turned into my toy bin. My mom actually had to empty out all my old toys I refused to get rid of in order for me to use it for Squirmy. :) Next to it is the froggy potty for our endeavors in EC. Just ignore the printer and Wii Fit Balance Board in the shot. Like I said, we do this in the living room so everything is tucked next to the end of the couch.

When Squirmy needs a change, I grab a wipe, the spray, and a clean dipe. I lay him down and take his dipe off. A couple of squirts, wipe, and put the new dipe on. I might put him on the potty for a minute before I wipe him up and/or I might leave him on the floor for nakey time. Then I throw the wipe and dipe into the pail. Since he's still EBF, that's it! Less than 36 hours later it will be in the wash! I do laundry every 24-36 hours depending on how fast he goes through our stash.

At night I'll grab 2-3 dipes before we head up to bed. We use disposable wipes at bedtime, partially because we still have some and partially because I don't want to try cloth wipes/spray in the middle of the night on the off chance he wakes and needs a change.

Our stash:

12 BG AIO Organics
5 GroBabys (shells, soakers, and doublers)
1 GAD, size medium long
12 Thirsties wipes (won from a Home Grown Families Giveaway)
1 bottle of booty luster (won from a Home Grown Families Giveaway)

Can I just say I'm so jealous when I read other people's stash lists?!?

So that's our system. I like the linky for this. If any of the moms who started the idea are reading, I think you should do another linky for what happens from dirty in pail to clean and put away.

Wordless Wednesday a day late!

2010-07-15T11:54:00.000-04:00

Squirmy riding in the cart for the first time :)

Nursing...feeling fake and bitter and ashamed and proud and confused

2010-07-12T19:45:00.000-04:00

I wrote a post for the Carnival of Nursing in Public about how I've become more and more comfortable with nursing in public. As I wrote the article, I felt a little fake. I felt fake because I was careful to state that I didn't cover up IN PUBLIC. That has been on my mind since then.

You see...I still do cover up around family.

My mother and mother-in-law both breastfed their children. As I said in my other post, my mom was quick to give advice about the environment of breastfeeding. She had no advice about the actual act of breastfeeding, but rather how to make sure I had the remote control and to have a comfortable set up in the bedroom for when company came over (assuming that I would relegate myself to the bedroom as she had). She wasn't particularly comfortable with the idea that I had no plans to leave the room to feed. But I knew she'd get over it...or at least I hoped. My mother-in-law seemed more supportive. She told tales of how she breastfed her 6 children. She said that she, too, had hidden in a bedroom to feed her children...which ultimately led to her nurse for decreasingly less time each child. Despite the fact that none of her 3 daughters breastfed, I hoped she'd be a good source of support for me.

The pattern of my comfort began in the hospital. My husband still jokes that not a person entered our suite without checking out my boobs, my nipples, and Squirmy's latch...every nurse, aid, LC, doctor, EVERYONE. Somehow, that was okay. I didn't know these people and they were trying to help. But the moment it was time to feed Squirmy with visitors in the room...I'd ask our visitors to clear out. Between my own modesty for my body and my insecurity over breastfeeding, I just couldn't chance the audience.

Once home I was not about to hike my happy, recovering arse up the stairs to hide away and nurse. Quite frankly, it was a week or two before I could even carry Squirmy up the stairs myself. No, no...I was going to keep myself plopped on the couch. So the covering up started. At first it was no big deal...it made me comfortable. The first signs of trouble began fairly quickly. My mom refused to listen when I asked her for the baby back to feed him. She insisted she knew better and he didn't need to eat nearly as often as I thought he did. That's her, though. When I did feed him, she politely gave me space...She'd take care of some chore, get me a snack or drink, and sit and talk to me. I was surprised she was okay with it all. Several weeks later my grandparents came to town and she sat them down to explain this "bizarre" behavior to them. I was shocked, hurt, and offended by her little sit down. You might say she was trying to be helpful, given my VERY proper grandmother whom bottle fed all 6 of her children...but you'd have to know her. That was her way of telling me she was awkwardly uncomfortable with what I was doing. :(

And what of my perceived ally? My mother-in-law? She expressed and early and overwhelmingly painful discomfort with me feeding around her. After leaving the hospital, I've never once asked her to leave the room or turn her back or avert her eyes. She offered to bring us dinner one night shortly after we came home. My brother-in-law came over, as well. She ran out to pick up our order and got back just as Squirmy was settling in to eat. I choked back tears as she turned her back on me and refused to talk to me when she realized I was feeding. My BIL followed suit. They made themselves comfortable at the kitchen table as my loving husband fixed my plate and brought it to me. Confused, he looked to me to tell him where to eat dinner. I told him to join his mom and brother at the table. I ate my dinner alone (well, with my sweet baby hidden on my lap), in silence, abandoned and ashamed.

I can ignore my mom. She's my mom...I've spent 26 years dealing with her. Screw her if she thinks I should hide in a bedroom like she did. I owe my son more than that. I owe this and the next generation more than that. Through my husband's insistence and speeches, my brothers- and sisters-in-law have gotten over themselves and used to me feeding around them...still covered. My MIL...she's still painfully awkward and avoids contact with me at all costs when I'm feeding. It's gotten to the point where I want to cry because she acts so uncomfortable and put out when I start to feed. I know it's bad, but often I find myself letting Squirmy get enough to calm him for a little while until she leaves. Doesn't help that she constantly asks why he always wants to eat or sleep when she's over and why he always fusses when she holds him. Um, he's not even 4 months old...if you hold him for more than 10 minutes he'll fuss...we're not talking crying, just your general talking/fussing/making noise. Oh and he's A BABY...eat, sleep, shit...that's ALL they do. She had 6 of her own and this is her 10th grandchild.

So last night we were out to dinner with our housemate when Squirmy did his "I'm a baby and I wanna eat" thing. In the middle of eating, in the middle of Macaroni Grill, I discreetly freed my boob from my nursing tank and pulled my shirt up just enough for him to sneak his head in and latch. No one would ever have known what I was doing. I thought about how I can be completely comfortable taking care of business in such a setting, yet cannot manage to feel comfortable in my own home WITH a cover :(

I'm not sure what I hoped to accomplish with this post. I wanted to admit my "failings" with nursing comfort, vent my frustrations, perhaps get some understanding/support, and hopefully get some ideas on how to deal with this. So...what do you think?!

Cloth Diapering Cheat Sheet

2010-07-09T23:09:00.000-04:00

When I started out with cloth diapers, I felt like I was fuddling through a world of all these special words and phrases. I figured out most okay, but each day I learn something new. As the adage goes, I wish I knew then what I knew now. I couldn't figure out why someone would choose one type over others. Hopefully this will make it a bit easier to figure out what you want and need.

Types of Diapers

Pockets--These are diapers that look similar to disposables. They have a pocket inside that you stuff with inserts to create different levels of absorbency (less for newborns or during the day, more for toddlers or overnight). They don't need a cover. These seem to be one of the most popular styles.

AIO (all in ones)--They are one piece, no stuffing, no liners, just put on and go. These are great for starting out, caregivers, dads, etc. With an older baby they're not super for overnights because you can't increase absorbency levels. They don't need a cover.

AI2 (all in two) or Hybrids--These are diapers that have a waterproof outer shell and interchangeable liners. These are good for reducing laundry and drying time. My experience so far is that they're not as absorbent (though adding an extra liner does help). They are called hybrids because they have an option for a disposable liner that is more eco friendly than regular disposable diapers.

Fitteds--These diapers are a more shapely alternative to prefolds. They need a diaper cover, though, either wool or plastic.

Prefolds--These are your standard, previous generations diapers. They need a diaper cover. Cheapest way to use cloth. Great for dust rags when they're retired (as anyone from previous generations will tell you).

Materials

Organic Cotton--average absorbency, average speed on absorbing (takes a LONG time to prep but works well)

Microfiber--fast but less absorbency, CANNOT be put directly against baby's skin

Hemp--absorbs a LOT but not terribly quickly

Fleece--often used as a soft barrier between baby and absorbent layers

Wool--used as a cover, doesn't have to be washed very often, waterproof but breathable

Other Terms

One Size--a diaper designed to fit from birth/small infancy to potty training. They might not work well for a newborn or a bigger potty trainer. Downside--more bulky

Sized--a diaper that has a specific size (S,M,L) based on weight. Slimmer/better fitting, but less versatility.

Snappi--basically this is the modern diaper pin (reminds me of an Ace Bandage clip)

Aplix/Velcro--brand names for hook and loop closures, good for getting a better fit and easy changes but can wear out more quickly and can be problematic when toddlers figure it out (as opposed to snaps)

PUL--waterproof (though soft) outer layer...technically polyurethane laminated fabric

I'm sure there is much more information out there, so much I've missed. With all the options out there, it can be very overwhelming. If you decide which options are most important to you right now, you can get started with any type. Once you've been doing it a bit, you'll find what you like and what you want. Our stash started with all AIOs for convenience. Then we added a handful of hybrids for extended outings. From here out, we'll get pockets to polish off our collection for variable absorbency as our little boy grows.

Nursing in Public: From trepidation to comfort

2010-07-07T10:20:00.002-04:00

Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.

***

As my due date approached, I became more and more certain I wanted to breastfeed. Along with my determination also came some trepidation. I was terrified I wouldn’t produce enough to feed my sweet little boy. I couldn’t even think about where and when I’d be comfortable feeding. My mom breastfed me and gave me pointers of what kind of bed pillows to buy and how to entertain myself when I was stuck in the bedroom feeding with company over. I told her I appreciated her advice, but I wasn’t interested in hiding away just because people would be around. But then I didn’t really know what I would do...

Then that beautiful day arrived and I saw the most precious child I’d ever laid eyes on. I’d had a c-section, so after I got to see my boy, my husband took him to the nursery as they finished my surgery. When they came to me in recovery, an LC came with them. She explained that they hadn’t bathed him in order to help us bond and get breastfeeding off to a good start. She said some other things about latch and who knows what else. I was trying to listen, I swear...but I had the most beautiful eyes staring up at me. She helped me position him so he’d latch when he was ready...and he was ready. I’d always been a modest girl, but here I sat with my husband, my baby boy, and a stranger with my boobs hanging out...and I’ve never been happier than in that moment.

From there my modesty began to swirl downhill. I don’t think there was a nurse, doctor, LC, or anyone else who entered our mother/baby suite who didn’t see my chest, check his latch, or otherwise inspect my “assets.” Though I did ask family to leave the room while I fed. I didn’t exactly know what I was doing and I wasn’t prepared to show everyone just that.

Once home, I used an Udder Cover when people were around. I felt so uncomfortable using the Udder Cover. I felt like I was screaming, “Hey look at me! I”m breastfeeding and I’m not confident!” Though that was the truth.

It took a trip to Target to change my confidence. We had our 11 year old niece with us and Squirmy wasn’t about to sleep...just scream. Of course I’d left my trusty Udder Cover at home. All I had in the diaper bag was a blanket...then there was the trouble of where?!? A screaming infant distracted all my thoughts. I grabbed the blanket in the middle of the soda aisle and took care of business. Our niece didn’t skip a beat (she’d seen her mom feed her younger siblings for a couple of weeks each), but my husband looked surprised. “Now what?” he asked. “Just go!” I said hurriedly. I was so nervous walking around the store with an infant attached to my breast under a blanket thrown over my shoulder. No one in the store even seemed to notice.

My confidence was boosted to say the least. My best friend was staying with us for an extended period and I was OVER covering up! She’s a forward thinker and I took it upon it myself to just stop with the cover-ups. I always wear a nursing tank under my shirts, so it’s not like I was flashing nip.

A day at Disney proved to be the breaking point for me covering up in public. There’s nothing like the FL heat, a sweaty body, and a sweaty infant to make you shun a cover-up.

The final straw for NIP came recently when I was nursing in the food court of a local mall when a family saw me, gave me the thumbs up, cheered, and clapped at me nursing.

I’m DONE with cover ups in public. I’ll still be discreet, using tanks and over shirts to remain covered, but I can no longer hide behind an obnoxious and hot cloth. Besides, I owe it to the younger generation to show them breastfeeding is normal and okay and wonderful!

Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public

Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.

Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.

This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts - new articles will be posted on the following days:
July 5 - Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World
July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child
July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.
July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives
July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It

Lazy Post

2010-07-05T22:02:00.001-04:00

Squirmy and I were both sick yesterday :( We're both still sleepy today. Here's a lazy, albeit festive, post.

A case of the Mondays....

2010-07-03T13:03:00.001-04:00

So I know this is the first day of a holiday weekend for most, but it's Monday here in our household. Hubby's days off aren't usually Saturday and Sunday. This week they were Thursday and Friday. So today I have a case of the Mondays... I'm more tired than normal from doing more that I usually do, plus I sleep less when he's home (trying to soak up all the time we have together). Today we're just going to sit back and relax and recoup from a fun "weekend."

Thursday we ran some errands and did some more research into the store idea. We found an AMAZING location for it, but the rent is a bit daunting. The more we thought about it, the more intimidated we were by the whole idea. Throw on top some personal financial faux pas and a complete and utter Squirmy melt down and we decided to quit thinking about it for the day.

Friday we awoke with a renewed hope. Perhaps a B&M store isn't in our immediate future, though we really wish it were. We decided to get out of the house/area for the day and check out some possible competition. We met up with The Eco Chic and Zealand's Mom over at Peace Love Play where East Coast Cloth was hanging out for the day. Squirmy was amazed by all the colors and the sounds of kids playing. He even sat up in a chair all by himself for the first time!

I had a great time talking diapers and actually getting my hands on a bunch of different brands/styles/colors/etc. I picked up my first Green Acres Design sized diaper (my first pocket and my first sized dipe). Hubby and our roommate were both a little overwhelmed by all the new information. They'd heard me talk about it somewhat before but suddenly there were snaps and velcro and double gussets and one size and sized and fitteds and covers and pockets and all-in-ones and fleece and microfiber and hemp and..... We headed for a late lunch and Hubby asked which diaper made dinner for you.

So...we're thinking of taking a new spin on the store idea. Right now we can't fathom taking on such a big gamble :( We're thinking of trying to get an online store up and running while hitting the local farmers markets as a "store front" for right now. I'm worried about stepping on toes with East Coast Cloth, but they're an hour and 2 counties away. Surely there's enough territory for both of us....

So today I'm tired and missing Hubby and watching the rain fall. The lines of Dr. Seuss keep running through my head:

The sun did not shine.

It was too wet to play.

So we sat in the house

All that cold, cold, wet day.

I sat there with Squirmy.

We sat there, we two.

And I said, "How I wish

We had something to do!"

Too wet to go out

And too cold to play ball.

So we sat in the house.

We did nothing at all.

So all we could do was to

Sit!
Sit!
Sit!

Sadly (or not) I did type that from memory, albeit verified it online. Though it's not cold and I don't wish we had something to do...it's just a sleepy, rainy, curl up and cuddle, case of the Mondays kind of day.

Winner!!!

2010-06-30T22:00:00.000-04:00

Random.org said that comment 124 was our winner. That would be.....

Show Me Mama said...

I love that they offer Free shipping which is nice. I would definitely order the Eco-Kids Eco-Fingerpaint Tube Gluten Free. My daughter loves to paint!

June 30, 2010 5:40 PM

I want to say a gigantic THANK YOU to Ecomom.com for the products for review and for offering my readers a chance to win. To my readers, thank you so much for reading and playing along!

Wordless Wednesday/Photo Challenge

2010-06-30T14:30:00.000-04:00

This week's photo challenge: Splash! (though technically this is post splash)

More thoughts on opening a cloth diaper store....

2010-06-28T16:30:00.000-04:00

So this whole cloth diaper store thing is taking off in our household. Hubby has ALWAYS wanted to own his own business, it seems like a GREAT time to jump into the retail game for cloth, we LOVE cloth and want everyone else to love it, and Hubby hates his job...like HATES his job. So we need to do more research and Hubby is starting on a business plan...

To my precious readers...Please take the time to answer a few questions for me. Pretty please with a cherry on top?

If you had a store near you, would you prefer to buy from a B&M store or would you prefer online?

If you prefer online, would you choose to support a local store or stick with your current online fave?

How many of you actually CAN buy cloth from a store near you?

What brands of cloth would you hope to find in such a store?

What other products would you hope/expect to find?

What services would you hope/expect the store to offer?

Thank you all a million times over!!

The great diaper store hunt

2010-06-26T20:07:00.001-04:00

So I've thrown myself into the great diaper store hunt, lol. I was determined to find an actual brick and mortar store that sells cloth diapers. I emailed one store The Eco Chic said was nice but is 2 hours away. Guess the drive doesn't matter since they don't have a store front. I looked into another store she mentioned she vaguely knew about..but no store front. I also found another store (via google) that had an address listed on google maps about 30 min from me but ended up having the same situation as the other 2 stores. All appear to be online shops that offer demonstrations and diaper parties and the like locally.

Finally I found a store about 20 mins from us. We went there today in hopes of scoping it out and getting a new diaper or two (Hubby didn't know about that ulterior motive, though I'm sure he assumed). We get there and immediately get a dirty look from a mom getting out of her SUV as she put her son in an Ergo. I mean, I'm not the classiest broad out there, but I'm certainly not trash. I drive a 2009 Civic, dress causally but put together (I'll never win a fashion award but I wouldn't be someone you pointed at and said, "I can't believe she wore that"), and have middle of the road baby products (Carters, Chicco stuff, Fisher Price...). UGH! Annoys me...but I digress.

So in the store we're wandering around (it's a pretty decent sized store). They asked if we were looking for something in particular. I excitedly told them I heard they sold cloth diapers. "Oh yeah, I think we do...um....back here." Not the response I was looking for... So they show me the lovely cloth diapering section (note sarcasm). It includes about 5 Flip diapers (which they had no idea were hybrids or anything about disposable liners or anything really..."I think this is the liner and it just goes in and you wash it."), a handful of GroBaby boosters, a box of bumGenius laundry detergent, and a promise of GroVia diapers and whatever bumGenius replaces the 3.0 with. I was all excited to engage in a conversation with real life women about cloth diapers but was exceedingly disappointed in their lack of any remote knowledge about cloth (despite their website boasting about cloth diapers).

We perused the expensive strollers and posh bedding. I happily noted they have a stock of Plum Organics, albeit small. We played with various toys, hoping to find one that would catch Squirmy's eye. Looked at some cute, though expensive clothing (I'm sorry, I can't pay $30+ for a t-shirt he'll wear for less than a handful of months...). Noted the 3 Ergos, 1 Baby Bjorn, and 1 sling of a brand I didn't recognize nor remember. We left empty handed though we tried hard to find something with which to spoil Squirmy.

All in all...the trip was a total bust, sort of. It showed me that there is literally no where in driving distance you can go into a store and actually SEE cloth diapers. It was a very cute, posh boutique style store.

SOOOO....this all makes me want to open a store for natural living. Cloth diapers, detergent, cleaning supplies, food (for infants through adults), learning and/or eco friendly toys, organic clothing (preferably affordable), recycled who knows what... A store that is marketed as a way ANYONE can get into green living, not just someone who can afford to shop at posh boutiques. I'm so afraid this is a pipe dream, or something we throw ourselves into to find we hate it, or that we invest in something that doesn't have a strong enough market and we fail miserably.

But my mind is racing with possibilities.....

The day wasn't a total waste. We ended up checking out a new shopping center about an hour away from us (just 'cause we can) and Squirmy got some new clothes since his 3-6 month selection is slim.

Yes, yes, I bought this shirt 60% because it will match not only this diaper, but the majority of his BG dipes! (the other 40% was because it was $5)

GroBaby update

2010-06-25T20:46:00.000-04:00

After my pathetic cry for help with my GroBaby post, whoever was acting on Gro-Via's behalf on Facebook suggested that I use a little more detergent and give them a few more washes. I guess organic cotton takes a bit longer to prep. S/he said that organic cotton takes a good 10 washes to prep. I was skeptical but hopeful.

Well now we're a few washes later, well over the 10 washes...verdict?!? SUCCESS!! So far, so good. :) I'm so excited that my GroBaby diapers are working just a swimmingly as originally anticipated!

So happy to have a few more diapers in my stash. Hopefully I can go more than 24hours between washes now. Wish I had a nice fat pile of spare change so I could buy a whole bunch of diapers...but then we did embark on our cloth journey to save money!!

My first award :)

2010-06-25T15:19:00.002-04:00

Nick from A Dad's Take was kind enough to give me my first blogging award. His blog is a unique view of parenting from a father's perspective. Head over and check it out!

I guess the rules are I have to share 7 things about myself and then pass this award on to 15 other Bloggers. Here are mine:

1.) I have PCOS and was told I'd never have children when I was only 16.

2.) I have a Master's in Mental Health Counseling and quit my job as a family therapist in March.

3.) I'm pasty white but have just enough Native America/American Indian/Cherokee blood in me to not burn (but I don't tan either).

4.) My parents divorced when I was 2; I lived with my dad until I was 15 then with my mom.

5.) One of my best friends and I didn't particularly like each other in the first class we had together in undergrad.

6.) That same friend is now one of the biggest assets in my life, and currently lives with us :)

7.) I start each day with a Mountain Dew. Don't judge!

I would like to pass this award along to the following Blogs (in

1.) The EcoChic at TheEcoChic.com

2.) Lauren at hobomama.com

3.) Christy at hisbooboos.blogspot.com

4.) Karen at imitationofmary.blogspot.com

5.) Melissa at homegrownfamilies.blogspot.com

6.) Mandey at mamamandolin.blogspot.com

7.) Crystal at biehladventures.blogspot.com

8.) Hannah at mommysfirsts.blogspot.com

9.) Emi at www.theclothdiaperreport.com

10.) Dawn at mamamonkmee.blogspot.com

11.) Ida at www.treeswillbend.com

12.) Mommy of One at diaperadventures.blogspot.com

13.) Joanna at babygatorsden.com

14.) Heather at thetreehugginmomma.blogspot.com

15.) Kerri at www.kmcconnellblog.com

That's all I have for the day :) Squirmy and I are worn out from the pool and watching a Harry Potter Marathon with my housemate! :)

This is one of those magically moments I get to experience on this journey of being a mommy.

NIP--WIN!!!

2010-06-24T17:50:00.000-04:00

In light of the most recent controversy surrounding nursing in public (NIP), I figured I'd share a flip side of that coin. Who am I kidding?!? I'm bursting at the seams to tell my tale and the negative media makes it that much more satisfying!!

Today my best friend and I decided to escape the FL heat by walking at the mall instead of dying outside. We picked one of the bigger 2-story malls in the area thinking it'd give us more ground to cover. This was all good in theory... I should note that this mall is probably the swankiest mall in the area. I did see a diaper bag for $120 and the most adorable outfit for Squirmy...so adorable that it was $56!!! Moms with all too expensive strollers kept giving me and my Chicco Cortina dirty looks; Yes, I'm serious. (Side note: we almost turned around and went to a different mall for all the cop cars and people standing around outside....until we realized it was the iPhone release day and the insanity was limited to just that entrance.) Of course we couldn't manage to just walk the mall without shopping. So I tried on some shirts, desperate to add something to my wardrobe that is flattering and accommodates this baby weight I'm working on. No such luck.

So I'm feeling fat and "unworthy" when I felt my sugar start to crash. We hadn't eaten before hand and it was well past 1:00pm. So, off to the food court. Nice little boost to my feeling fat thing :( I'd fed Squirmy before we left the house, but we'd been gone awhile. That in mind, I plowed the stroller through the impossibly crowded seating area in hopes of finding someplace where Squirmy and I would both be comfortable eating (and my friend, too). I was about to give up hope in finding any of the more comfortable, booth style seating and just settle for the minimalistic, hard plastic chairs at the incredibly small, closed in tables. Finally, at the FAR end, I found some seats that were comfortable for all of us and not too many people around.

I quickly polished off my meal while Squirmy sat on my lap smiling at his "aunt." Before too long, as I expected, Squirmy started to fuss. You know what I'm talking about...the "I'm letting you know...I'm not obnoxiously demanding just yet...but I'm letting you know" that goes on for about a split second before the real demands are voiced. I looked around, gaging my "audience." Sitting directly across from me was a well put together gentleman, probably in his 60s. Great! I decided to toss a blanket over my shoulder to keep from offending anyone too much, all the while worried that someone was going to say something to me :( Once Squirmy was content doing his thing, I took the blanket down. I was fully covered by my white nursing tank and white shirt.

Well someone did say something. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a woman trying to see what I was doing as she passed behind us. I didn't really think much of it (figured I was being paranoid) until she reappeared on the other side of us. She was clearly trying to catch my eye. She was smiling so big and was giving me the thumbs up. Her husband threw his hands over his head and applauded. I blushed and got a bit choked up as I mouthed, "Thank you!" (I'm getting choked up typing this). Their daughter was all confused, and the happy little family moved on. My friend asked who the family was, assuming our interaction was based on previous encounters. Nope, just an amazing family, doing something amazing for a first time mom who was doing her best to care for her son.

I'll probably never cross paths with that family, again (they looked about as out of place as we felt in that mall). But, they will forever be in my heart. Ironic how, on our way to the mall, my friend and I were talking about the impact strangers and their acts of kindness can have on someone else's life.

Thank you little family!! I will be sure to pass along the kindness and encouragement you bestowed upon me the next time I see a mother nursing. :)

Google reader

2010-06-23T22:23:00.000-04:00

So I know this is probably not news to most of you...but I just discovered google reader! No more checking my blog a million times a day to see what's happening on my blog roll!!

That is all.... Goodnight!

Wordless Wednesday/Photo Challenge

2010-06-23T10:44:00.001-04:00

Challenge: Friends!

Challenge: Talent (he's holding his toy by himself at 2.5 months)

HELP!! Leaky diapers...again

2010-06-22T16:31:00.001-04:00

I was all excited about my GroBaby diapers when we first got them. Since then the excitement has waned a bit. :( We continue to have leak issues. I never considered Squirmy a heavy wetter, but we've had our battles with finding sposies and cloth that don't leak every time we put them on. I'll give you a leak here or there due to user error or just sheer tricks of nature (seriously, how can so much come out of someone so little?!?). But certain sposies and certain cloth have leaked nearly continuously. I was so hoping GroBaby wouldn't be one of them. I love how cute they are and I love the hybrid ability for longer outings.

Someone out there MUST have some solution for me. Please HELP!

Here's the deal. Squirmy leaks pee out of the BACK of diapers!?!? The back of the diapers are never wet, but the front is soaked and his clothes are wet in the back. The only thing I have been able to figure is that he's overflowing the front area and it leaks up, out, and down around his waist. He's done this consistently in Huggies newborn diapers, gDiapers, and now GroBaby dipes.

When the GroBaby dipes started leaking, I was chalking it up to not fully prepped diapers. Now they've all been fully prepped and are still leaking. If I put the extra soaker pad in they are really bulky and gapping in the front (he's skinny and long).

Today I put the diaper on him, played with him for about 30 min before he decided he was tired and wanted another nap.

I dressed him and put him down, only for him to wake 30min later. When I picked him up, I knew why he hadn't slept very long...he was WET!

Please, please, please! I don't want to give up on these :(

I'm a "published" writer!!

2010-06-21T10:31:00.002-04:00

Check out my post on Knickernappies Blog! :)

http://knickernappies.blogspot.com/2010/06/no-looking-back-new-mother-explains-how.html

Happy 1st Father's Day!!

2010-06-20T21:05:00.000-04:00

Special bonus for NOT setting the patio/house/development on fire today :)

First Dip in the Pool

2010-06-19T18:10:00.000-04:00

Well, today my little boy turned 3 months old. It's so exciting and yet, I want him to stay small a little longer. He's holding his head up well and can sit and play with toys on the couch. He's in the 90-95th percentile for height, 20-50th percentile for weight, and 20th percentile for head circumference (25.5/26 inches long, 13.5 lbs, 16 inch circumference). In short...he's a string bean!! It's exciting to see each new development and milestone, but a little part of me is sad that he's slowly gaining his independence one moment at a time. Three months ago I didn't know I could love someone as much as I love my Squirmy. Today I am amazed at how much more I love my husband and my son than I did 3 months ago. My heart is bursting, though I know I'll love them both a little more each day.

Okay...enough of the gooshy stuff. Today was also the first time we took Squirmy to the pool!! We have a pool in our development but hadn't made it there with him just yet. He wasn't too sure about it, but seemed to have a good time. He was a little miffed that it interrupted his cluster nursing and nap time (had to get out there before the sun got too bright). Though I think my smile was brighter than the sun could ever be!!

Episencial Playful Foaming Wash & Pocket Charlies Review--And Eco Mom GC giveaway!

2010-06-18T16:31:00.007-04:00

Since starting my green journey, my goal has been to find ways to incorporate a green lifestyle without making things overly complicated for my husband or me. I may not be the greenest or healthiest person on the planet, but hey, Rome wasn't built in a day. EcoMom's website says, "Healthy living doesn't have to be overwhelming. Small steps matter, and make a big difference." Suffice to say, I was intrigued almost immediately. :)

The website goes on to state, "Founded to address the connection between the health of our environment & the health of our children, EcoMom is committed to making eco-conscious living easy, affordable, & rewarding with education, support, tools & products." Sounds like a perfect match for me!

Recently EcoMom sent me Episencial Playful Foaming Wash and Pocket Charlies to review. I was so excited to do my first product review, especially for a company that matched my ideals!...added bonus, EcoMom is giving away a $20 gift certificate to one of my readers!!

I was in the middle of making dinner one night when Squirmy spit up all over himself. So I took his clothes off and continued making dinner. Hubby comes in with the mail (and EcoMom's package). I was excited to dig in, but had to finish dinner first. Hubby went to pick up Squirmy to discover he was soaked in more spit up! I mean soaked. This kid NEVER spits up. So Hubby is standing there hold him at arms length while I tear through the house collecting bath time stuff...good a time as any to try out new soap!! Enter Episencial Playful Foaming Wash!

I was a little nervous trying a new product given everyone I know has only ever used the leading name brand baby wash...until this night, so had I. But the product boasts a more natural formula:

Won't irritate eyes or sensitive places. Rinses off fast!
Gentle and hydrating cleanser using thyme oil and plant-based surfactants. Sulfate free!
Fragrance free. Organic orange extract is our mild and fresh scent.
Organic ginko biloba and calendula extract to sooth the skin
Organic aloe and soothing oat extract to moisturize naturally.

Sounded better to me!! I like that it really was as sensitive as promised! Squirmy didn't seem to notice a difference, which was great by my book. The light orange scent was pleasant but not overwhelming. I loved that it was way more natural and eco-friendly!

Classic Squirmy face as we got things started!

My little model posing for the camera.

Just being silly (but you can see the foaming aspect of the soap)

So I LOVE that it's eco friendly and infant safe and all sorts of wonderful! I think the only "downside" is that he smells of a lovely, natural orange scent instead of the chemical, "clean baby" smell we've been acculturated into recognizing! You can buy it for $8.99 which is about the same as it's popular, chemical counterpart. So for me, why would I spend the $$ on chemicals when I can get this great product instead?!?

The next product EcoMom sent was Pocket Charlies. I have to admit my stain fighting methods aren't exactly green nor economical: if it doesn't wash out after a few runs through the laundry, I cut my losses, toss it and replace it. I know, I know...but I'm too impatient to try to get stains out. So I was anxious to try Pocket Charlies. My roommate helped me out with this one. She'd recently nicked herself shaving (hate it when I do that) and had lovely brown stains on her yellow sheets to show for it. The stain was certainly dry, but not terribly old.

She sprayed some Pocket Charlies on it,

rubbed it in, then tossed it in the wash.

We have a favorite hand towel that we got shortly after getting married with our name monogrammed below a Mickey Mouse design. We got it to commemorate the annual passes Hubby got us as part of my wedding present. Not exactly something I can toss and replace. Because it's our favorite hand towel to put in our half bath (the only bath on the main level), it gets used A LOT! The part where you dry your hands has gotten this nasty dirty tinge to it. GROSS!! EcoMom's description of Pocket Charlies says, "Give Charlie's Soap a little extra time as it was meant to gently remove stains - not blast them off." I figured it was worth a shot. I taped off half of the hand towel to see if I could notice a difference.

This is the before shot. I sprayed to the right of the tape, rubbed it in, and tossed it in the wash.

This was the after shot. It might be kind of hard to tell, but the right side is a bit lighter.

So not the whooping, dramatic difference I was hoping for, but definitely a difference. It does say to give it time and there was a difference. I'll spray it each time I wash it and hopefully it will turn white again :)

The biggest drawback to me was the scent. It smells like you're spraying your laundry with windex/ammonia. NOT what I want my laundry to smell like. I could smell it on my other clothes when I pulled this load out and put them in the dryer, but by the time the dryer was done the smell was almost gone. Even with the scent set back, I'm all about using it to get stains out of my laundry from now on!!

So now that I'm sold on all these wonderful eco-friendly baby products from EcoMom I was starting to wonder about the cost and shipping and all of that. Enter in the EcoPass!! With the EcoPass you get 15% off all your orders, free shipping on all your orders (no matter how big or small), and get exclusive offers and promotions. Bonus, if you order it before the end of the month (June 30), you'll get a $50 gift card to EcoMom. The EcoPass is for a year and costs $99. With all the Episencial products, Plum Organic foods, and everything else, that's a amazing deal. Plus you never have to leave the house (which is always better for me since it's a production to get out of the door some days).

SOOOOO....Here's the part you've been waiting for....what's in it for you?!?

All readers get a 15% DISCOUNT on orders placed before July 30, 2010 when you use the code SBBL408. So go grab all your Eco-friendly baby products at www.ecomom.com and save $$ in the process!!

********CLOSED********

*While these products were provided to me free of charge, I was not compensated for this review. The opinions expressed here are honest and my own.

Kerri McConnell Photography

2010-06-16T22:12:00.003-04:00

Through the luck of the universe, my path crossed with that of Kerri McConnell about a year ago. We became fast friends because she's just amazing!! She loves life, always has a smile, and can always make me laugh...even when life gets rough. Come to find out, not only is she an amazing person, but an incredible photographer!!

I so wish I had known her before we got married, but alas, I did not. :( Instead we had her shoot our maternity photos (opted for these instead of a 4-D ultrasound) and Squirmy's infant shots. For our maternity shots, she took us out and we had a wonderful afternoon playing and laughing. Hubby and I are terrible with photos, but you'd never know by her pictures. Here's a sampling of the beautiful shots of our last days as a couple.

Fast Forward a month and a half....

"Aunt Kiki" came by to meet our little Squirmy when he was just 6 days old! She asked for a sleepy baby, but our bright eyed Squirmy would not comply. :) She captured his incredible personality and his sweet newborn look. (I still can't believe this was 3 months ago, already.)

Lastly, I offer a couple of pictures of our family in it's first days as a family of 3 (or 4 as our furbaby would have you know). Can I just say that my heart is bursting looking at these wonderful photos?!? I'm immeasurably thankful that Kerri was able to capture such heartwarming moments for us to look back on for years to come.

If you need a photographer, take a look at www.kmcconnellblog.com!!

Wordless Wednesday/Photo Challenge

2010-06-16T15:03:00.001-04:00

GroBaby already rocks my world!!

2010-06-15T13:25:00.000-04:00

In our cloth diapering quest, I wanted to find a hybrid diaper. I love my cloth, and I do use cloth for short trips out of the house. For long days out of the house we were still using sposies, Just something about carrying around a day's worth of wet, gooey diapers while hot as can be with a million tourists around you at Disney just didn't appeal to us. Though a hot day with a non-breathable diaper against Squirmy's toosh isn't exactly what I wanted either. And then there's the leaking issue with sposies (they leaked more often than our cloth does). Image A:

Notice the awkward way I'm holding Squirmy...okay so it's not totally obvious in the picture, but I was. While waiting in line to meet Mickey Mouse for the first time, Hubby sudden says, "Ut oh!" Sure enough, Squirmy's pants had a nice wet spot in the back (Thankfully BF poo and khaki pants are a good color match!). It was all we could do to hold him a few more minutes and try to keep the mess off our clothes (he may have had a change of clothes waiting in the stroller, but we didn't). But I digress...

There's my long winded version of our dilemma. I had a couple of mom's tell me about gDiapers. Sounded promising and we could buy them with left over gift cards at Babies R Us. I was excited about getting a hybrid diaper for days just as described above. After a couple of weeks, we gave up and determined gDiapers weren't for us. I sold them to a friend who was dying to try them.

My paypal account sat with money to burn right as GroBaby was rebranding to GroVia. I was able to get 5 GroBaby diapers for a STEAL, PLUS a box of Bio Soakers thrown in!! SCORE!! I tracked my 2 shipments like a mad woman and was down right giddy each day they arrived! Now the part I *hate* about cloth diapering is getting amazing fluff mail and having to wait several days (wash cycles) for them to be ready to use. Though truth be told, I haven't prepped a diaper a single diaper the 5-7 times suggested. How could you not get excited when these were in the mix?!?

The first day, I mistimed my laundry (AGAIN) and ran out of diapers before the wash/dry was done. Before adding my GroBaby dipes I only had 24 hours of cloth. I'd been using our leftover sposies for such failures on my part. BUT! I had new Bio Soakers and GroBaby shells to try out! So I slapped one on Squirmy as we waited for the dryer to finish. Turns out this was a night Squirmy fell asleep in our arms and didn't wake up when we went to bed. I was so nervous about having an untested diaper on him overnight. Granted he really doesn't go much at night; he saves it up for the morning and blows through several diapers in a matter of hours. Still I was super nervous, but waking him to change his diaper seemed beyond reasonable.

We woke up the next morning to a dry baby and a successfully wet Bio Soaker!! I was so happily surprised! I was cautiously optimistic that we'd found our hybrid solution. Just had to wait for the cloth soakers to be prepped and ready to test...

I gave up waiting after they'd been washed twice...shhh...don't tell!! Let me just say, they're AMAZING! Even my hubby, who was cautious about non-AIOs, loves them. We did have one poo that managed to not stay completely on the soaker pad, but the shell caught it all!

I'm so glad I've got these in my stash and can't wait to get them into the regular rotation! I think I'm even more excited to have an eco-friendly, chemical free solution for our long days out and trips to Disney!!

Conveniently Crunchy

2010-06-14T11:00:00.002-04:00

So I've seen this term "crunchy" thrown around a bit. I wasn't really sure what that was all about. A friend of mine enlightened me... Apparently being "crunchy" is living life naturally and subscribing to ideals that have been abandoned in our modern society. There's quite the spectrum, apparently. My friend said she's at one end of the spectrum: she cloth diapers part time. Though no one I know IRL or online is at the other end of the spectrum of lotus births and such. Through our conversation we dubbed me "conveniently crunchy." I ascribe to many so-called crunchy practices, but only as I seem them convenient (but then that's probably true of all of us on this spectrum).

Ways I am "crunchy"

I exclusively breastfeed and don't hesitate to feed in public, in large gatherings, or even at dinner (whether in or out)...most public nursing experience was while waiting in a packed crowd at Disney
I cloth diaper...started for financial reasons and foot print, continued for health/ecological reasons
We're seriously considering homeschooling (with a state that is ranked something like 48th nationally and a budget that won't allow private schooling, what options do we really have?)
We coslept for the first month and I cosleep half the night (he starts the night in his bassinet right by the bed and joins us in bed after his first feeding)
We recycle
We use reusable shopping bags (and have for a few years now)
We try our best to live as ecologically friendly as we can
I baby wear when we go out and sometimes to do chores around the house

Ways I'm not "crunchy"

I had a hospital birth with an OB (a c-section at that)
I fully plan to birth future children at the hospital
My husband cut the cord :)
I use a dryer for all our clothes and diapers
I don't baby wear 24/7 nor use a sling or wrap

I'm sure there's more to add to either list. I'm proud of the way I'm raising Squirmy and if that makes me "crunchy" so be it!! :)

Hot Car Seat solutions?!?

2010-06-11T14:20:00.001-04:00

I'm hoping some moms out there can help. Squirmy is still in his Chicco cortina KeyFit carrier car seat/ stroller system thingy. I do my best to keep the car as cool as possible in the awful record heat in FL. I keep a sun shade up when we're out, keep the car seat inside even if he's not in the seat, turn on the car before I put him in, and keep the a/c BLASTING (not very green and it's killing my gas mileage). I dress him coolly and have given up on socks and/or shoes (I love having him dressed to the Ts when we go out). He does much better in the car if he's swaddled (via SwaddleMe cloths...love them!). I've started leaving his feet out and just swaddling his arms in the light cotton SwaddleMe. If I don't swaddle him his moro reflex startles him too much with stop and go and he cries the whole time...which makes him hotter.

And yet...I still pull out a sweating baby EVERY time :( I'm afraid to swaddle his arms to make him hotter, but if I don't he fusses and makes himself even MORE sweaty. At home he's not a typically warm baby. In fact, at night he wears warm sleepers, gets swaddled in a fleece SwaddleMe, and dons a hat....and never sweats.

Does anyone have any tips to keep our boy cool in the car?

Sposie fail :(

2010-06-09T19:40:00.002-04:00

When I originally switched to cloth diapers my list of reasons looked like this... 1) Save money, and 2) save the planet. I know there are a million other reasons to switch, but that was my list. Soon after I added 3) less diaper rash.

Today I add another to my personal list of why I cloth diaper...4) Less chemicals against my son's skin!

I have about 24 hours worth of cloth diapers. I have to time it just right to make sure I wash as many at a time as I can and still have enough to get me through until the whole washing/drying process is complete. Well...I mistimed that today :( I ran out of clean cloth and had to use one of our remaining sposies.

Squirmy was in the diaper for about an hour. When I went to change him, I could not believe what I saw. His entire butt was bright red :( I felt so bad for him. It wasn't like diaper rash red, but it was definitely darker than just skin creases from being pressed up against it. My heart broke and I vowed to do my best to keep his skin only against the best! I'll be sticking to my bumGenius diapers for now. My Gro baby diapers should be coming over the next couple of days!! I really hope my Gro baby diapers are my hybrid solution for long trips away from home!!

Mommy and Me...Fever addition :(

2010-06-04T15:06:00.002-04:00

So I started feeling cruddy the other night. My throat got all dry and icky and I tried to chalk it up to scooping the litter boxes and the dust I inhaled in the process. But it didn't go away....

That night Hubby and Squirmy both tossed and turned. They were both asleep the whole time, but both being loud and clearly uncomfortable. Thus, I was up! My throat got worse and worse and I tried to chalk it up to not being able to sleep. But it didn't go away....

Yesterday I felt miserable when I got up. I tried to play it off as feeling off from not getting any sleep, but my throat hurt too bad and I was too miserable. I was sick! :( I was hoping Squirmy would get all my antibodies through my milk and he'd be just fine...praying and hoping and crossing my fingers. But the fact that he had, uncharacteristically, tossed and turned the night before stuck in my mind. By early evening I had a fever and his temperature was rising. I called the ped and he told me to give him Tylenol if it got over 100 and to call him back if it reached 102. Sure enough, next diaper change his temp was over 100. Poor little guy! A round of Tylenol (generic, I promise it's safe) brought his temperature back down. I gave him another dose at bedtime just to make sure he got a good night's sleep.

Today we've been hanging out on the couch, just resting. He had me up at 5am and I couldn't get back to sleep, partially because I had to take my best friend back to the airport this morning (so going to miss her). His temperature has stayed down, but my great-aunt told me to watch it as the afternoon/evening progresses. Apparently the late afternoon/evening is when temperatures start going up. So far today my little guy has just nursed and slept. I'm glad he's nursing, at least. Don't need him getting dehydrated. I'm drinking as much juice as I can (water makes me gag when I'm sick) so I stay hydrated for him. When he's awake, he's happy and his normal smiling self...just looks worn out and goes back to sleep quickly.

I'm hoping tomorrow brings a happier, healthier day for both of us!

One year ago today

2010-06-02T22:08:00.000-04:00

One year ago today my nephew was born. I was in the middle of fertility treatment that hadn't been working. I was so frustrated and defeated. Actually, I had given up on my fertility specialist (reproductive endocrinologist--RE) and had an appointment scheduled with a new RE on the high recommendation of a friend who was fighting a similar battle.

This day last year I was cursing my body for bleeding and begging a nurse to find me a tampon because we were at the hospital much longer than anticipated. Then I called my mom to pick up my Femara from the pharmacy before they closed. She knew it was a drug from the RE but didn't know what it did or why (Femara is a cancer drug for post menopausal women that is used to help women ovulate). Don't think I ever paid her back for that.....Don't think she cares much.... :) It would still be another month until I ovulated and a couple of weeks after that before I thought to test (thought I hadn't ovulated and was using progesterone cream to hold off my period until I saw the new RE).

Kind of crazy!

10 weeks

2010-05-31T19:20:00.000-04:00

So for 10 weeks, we've had this little magical life in our home. Kind of crazy to think about it, actually. In most respects, it feels like he's always been here. Each day is a new adventure. Today, I'm going to take a minute to brag about my incredible son...

He rolled over (belly to back) one day shy of 6 weeks
He's been smiling for real since about 7 weeks.
At about 7 weeks he really started tracking objects with his eyes/head.
He met Mickey Mouse at 9 weeks.
9.5 weeks he turned his head to look at sounds (namely when someone walked into the room and called out to him)
One day shy of 10 weeks he started to try to reach out for things.
At 10 weeks he started trying to grab things.
10 weeks and 1 day he was trying to pull things into his mouth.
Now he's starting to "ask" for play time (though I can't recognize this request as distinctly as hunger and tired)
I don't know when he started trying to stand, though he can stand fairly well with support for balance.
He's sleeping through the night almost every night...his longest bout was 12 hours.

Yeah, he's pretty much the most amazing kid ever :)

gDiapers

2010-05-23T15:56:00.003-04:00

So gDiapers have had a false start in our house. Our first take was a day we went to the mall. The pitiful family bathroom was disgusting at best. Even though I had something to lay under Squirmy, the changing area was so gross, I would have thrown away anything that touched it. Instead, I laid Squirmy flat in his stroller and changed him there. He'd been in his car seat a good bit (from 12:00 until probably 1-1:30) at one point getting very upset, thus sweating. When I took him out to change him, I couldn't tell if his lower regions felt damp because of a diaper leak or sweating. It felt too minimal to be a diaper leak, but it was only his diaper area...

Fail #1 came in trying to change the wet liner of the gDiaper in the cramped and awkward changing situation. I gave up and ripped the whole thing off of him and put a BG on him. I'm glad I did for the rest of our mall adventure. It turns out there are more than 1 nasty changing stations in the mall. Seriously...GROSS!

So we get home and I try again with the gDiapers. Things seemed to be going well. Fail #2: Hubby got home and couldn't figure out how to change him. I was in the middle of getting dinner on the table, so I told him to forget about it and just put a BG on him. He was relieved at the reprieve. I noted that I needed to perfect the changing and teach him before I threw that curve ball at him again.

I was determined to make this work. I tried again with gDiapers when I mistimed the amount of clean BG diapers I had left with the length of laundering. Well...Fail #3 happened. I ran to grab something (though now I can't remember what...gotta love baby brain). I left Squirmy on our oversized chair in the living room (I promise he was more than safe and sound). I came back to him screaming, covered in his own urine...which was also covering the chair. Uff! I don't know exactly how long that diaper had been on him, but he'd been sleeping the whole time and he doesn't tend to soil/wet himself while sleeping (trust me he makes up for it when awake...the ped said some kids are like that).

So I don't know what to do. We have the medium size pants which are supposed to fit babies 13-28lbs. Squirmy was 12.5 lbs by our scale a week ago but only 11.75lbs by the ped's scale 1/2 week ago. I'm not sure if this is the problem...he's just not big enough yet?

As for the trouble changing him...I'm wondering if it would be easier to change the insert each time or prep the extra liner and change out the liner AND insert each time.

I know a couple of you out there are using gDiapers...any thoughts, experiences, woes, victories?